Finding home.

This is a different world. This is a different life. I like it but I can’t get used to it. Meaning of home has changed. And how.

This is a facebook status I put this weekend. This weekend was the same that I spent with my parents. After almost 2 – 3 months I spent more than 1 night at home. And even though I loved being there – being lazy , being silent , cooking for mom and dad , meeting best friend in town , sleeping , reading and watching one movie each day of the weekend [ yes , it was this awesomely perfect] ; a part of me felt uneasy.

It was like I was a guest in that home. I knew the people living there , but not the space they occupied. It was like I once was in the frame but now have slipped out of it and looking at the empty picture with unease.

When did I begin to feel restless at my own home ? Was it always this way but I kept ignoring it while busying myself with siblings. I guess being alone with parents made me feel their loneliness but instead of sharing it , it made me feel like them. Still, they had their home . I did not.

A dear and very much special friend commented on the status :

Home has always been where your heart is. In other news, welcome to grown up world dear. You are ready to make your own home.

And that set me thinking a bit more.ย To some extent , I felt at home in the house I live in right now with my bestie. ย From long there was parent’s home and “my” home. But now I don’t feel I have any home. Yes , for once I feel lost. If that’s a beginning of growing up , I guess the journey has begun.

I need a corner of my own , surrounded by my books and music , my choice of wallpapers and feel of the cold floor beneath my feet. I am finally ready to support and provide to others, the anchor I need. I am prepared to step out and claim my mark on some space.

I have to go.
Go and create or search my home.
Just my space of love.

PS : growing up can be so lonely and confusing. even when you got someone to hold and look upto for love.


Poetry lovers , please check my e book on amazon here.ย Let me know if you need help with kindle installation or download of the book.

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0 thoughts on “Finding home.”

  1. I think this is a feeling we all go through. Once we leave our homes to make our home, different things fall in place in the homes we have left behind to fill the vacuum. Since we are not familiar with the systems it does tend to feel a bit alien. After being out of my home now for close to 15 years, I do feel a bit restless going back, especially since I feel like a guest at my own home and in some insane way love coming back to my home now. But the thought of my parent’s home, more like a retreat from the monotony of life as it is now is comforting.

  2. i remember, how lonely it felt to realize i no longer felt at home in my parents’ house. it’s terrifying and exciting. praying for you Nimue, that home will find you.

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