Category Archives: Myself

Newsletter of positive vibes

It started with one of my favorite twitter person starting his newsletter – #SoG ( a daily one ! ) A few months later I subscribed to newsletter of another inspiring lady from twitter and it kind of made me love this mode of communication. It is as private as much it is public , almost like a blog but this one I read in my emails and can respond immediately and directly to the writer. So a few more newsletter subscriptions later , I wanted to try my own. And that’s how “Letters By Prats” started two weeks back.

Yesterday when I was searching for a poem to share , I came across Reena’s exploration challenge and it took me to a time when I had fallen into a pattern of being down and out.

Every silver cloud , was sabotaged by my own attitude and insecurities. The worst part of all this was that I completely botched one of my best friendships during that phase and it’s never been same since. It drained the best of people around me in personal space , to make me stop being so bitter and full of resentments, but it was to no avail. and even today , months and miles away from that feeling , I am never too sure when I might slip into the old habit..

Bigger egos , smaller eyes,

heart so cold , hands clutched tight,

away from sanity , the words go,

accustomed to darkness,

the weak ones will grow..

And that inspired my second poem I shared hoping it finds resonance and helps someone battle the darkness just one more day ! While I can not turn back time and teach myself those lessons earlier , I do hope to never have to live through a moment when I lose faith on myself. It hasn’t been easy , but it has been indeed a huge learning and turning point that I hope I can share better with others and spread positive vibes , in all ways possible. This realization is what I decided to link to Trent’s call for weekly smiles because I have pledged to treat all that life throws at me with first a smile and then probably try not to run away all times πŸ˜›

Also linked to #MondayMusings where you can find some interesting thoughts.

PS: If you subscribe to any good newsletter, please share the link.

A little better everyday ..

Yesterday was not a happy day. And it was not happy ’cause I stressed about things that should not even matter. I was snappy and irritated and it all accumulated in a bad headache by the end of the day.
I am very anxious about a change I see happening in my life and as much as it is a very exciting ( a post on that as soon as I have more details ) for the work scene , I feel scared. Not for my work but for the fact that I am a worrier most of the days and I think I am just being too nervous. ( Perhaps, I never would be ).
At the end of the day, when I looked at myself in the mirror , I was not surprised to see myself look so tired and dull. But then, my habit to impose positive thoughts kicked in. And I said , I see potential there. I did not want to see myself as a victim of my moods but someone who let my emotions take a toll on me and learned the lesson. I was suddenly looking at a person ready to do better next day.

So I wrote this post , to gather all my positive vibes and strength and blessings in a single sentence –
I can do better.
And I will.
And I did ( a little better than yesterday atleast )
My thoughts last night were to sleep with a affirmative feeling about myself and that I am being guided by God on a path that’s best for me. Sooner or later , it will be all for a good reason. I just have to pick the pieces from my side and not make any excuses to be a better Me.
 
Linked this post to Nurturing Thursday and Friday reflections.

What #MasterchefAus taught me

For the last 3 months , me and my husband Y have made a ritual to watch MCAus ( Master Chef Australia ) together every night on TV. It became such a constant ( and the only thing we liked most ) that on weekend s when there were no new episodes , we used to watch older season and random episodes of the same. We even tried the MC USA or MC junior USA too but it was nothing like the original Australia version of the show which is on its 10th season now.
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Till now I had always watched this show ( and other food shows) purely for the fact that they had less drama , decent food knowledge and it exposed me to some brilliant cuisine and cooking technique. But something was different this time as I watched it with Y.
To give some context , Y is a very good cook and though I can keep my guests and family happy with the food , somewhere my passion for food was on a decline since I got married. Any number of trials would not make me consistently cook brilliantly and it some how made me all the more avoid cooking.
So this time , when we were watching the show , I got somehow more interested in the contestant’s passion about food and the way the judges guided them or discussed food. Me and Y would talk of the same during and after the show and all of this sparked the love for cooking in me again.
In one of the very initial pressure tests , what I realized that following a recipe is as much important as going by the gut when you are cooking something you do not know too well. So I started picking recipes even for the usual daily food I would cook , follow them word to word and the results were much better. More than anything , watching MCAus made me realize the important of giving each ingredient it’s own time to cook and it’s own place in the whole dish. Something’s do not work together and some things can simply elevate a dish. It is all about the care you take on preparing the dish , tasting as you go and being focussed on the dish rather than do it as a chore.

I learned that food too has a soul and when cooked with love , it gives one joy , that I have been missing in my own from some time. You don’t need others to tell you how the food is , if you are aware that you have cooked it with care and attention.
And so , this season of MCAus has not just given me and Y a reason and time to have some tv watching together but also helped me evolve as a person in kitchen.
And that’s a lesson I will want to keep using in 2019 and years to come …
Happy 2019 to you all and may your food be blessed always.

This ain't cool …

There are not many instances that I lose my cool in office. I have cried often when I have performed bad , or felt hurt by some one’s remarks , but never had I replied back in such scenarios. One thing that I absolutely can not let go though is personal insult or allegations. I am not very rigid person but when pitted against some one who only wants to prove his ego the reason for all actions, I have realized I have a bigger ego and stubbornness in such moments , not that I am particularly proud of this.
What I fail to understand and accept is colossal disregard to professional etiquette and more than that , the tendency to NOT follow processes. Processes are there to help people know the best way to deal with any situation and to avoid chaos of any and all kinds. When some one can not respect that , I judge him already. Add to that , the fight to prove himself right in all ways is as much as my flaw , it is unpardonable in people who argue without concern.
I have learned to be gracious and agile with such great effort , and yet breaking that habit becomes a necessity some days. Guess , the lessons are not so much ingrained in me as I thought πŸ˜‰
Hopefully tomorrow would be a different and better day.
I could so much use some positive vibes to keep my cool next time , I feel like banging my head into a wall or some one who acts like one.
Hope your week going better !
Love,
P

Goodbye 2015 – part#1

This is not yet a post where I reflect on the year gone by and list the good and bad of it. It is also not yet the time and moment to sort the lessons from the mistakes or make different section of the people you met or let go. This is more about how I want to do all this. How to properly send off 2015 into the portals of my mind wjere it is saved and remembered well for the right reasons.
The first thought was to go alone on a journey and as the cities are left behind, I tick of all the months and weeks of the year gone by. Since that is some luxary I can not afford at the moment ( my medical leaves last month have left me with neither time nor health to travel far ) , I thought of alternatives. The motive is to be alone and relaxed enough to be honest , be objective , bit harsh in scrutiny and kind on yourself equally. The idea is to aporeciate the goodness of life , goodness in yourself and whatever iota you got from people around you. And lastly, the task is to decide what to leave behind in this year itself – mistakes , people , negativity and memories too.
So I thought of having a date with myself next weekend – coffee ,  a diary , a planner for next year and lastly a goid walk alone to reaffirm my proMises and plans.
How are you going to say goodBye to 2015 ?

#Togetherness : The Lucknow connection

Togetherness is not always about staying together or being able to meet as and when you wish. If love is true, these things do not matter ; people said. But some days you can not decide if it is just a phase or that’s how your relation is going to be. A relationship is like a house which has to be turned into home just like two people can make any place on housing.com into a heaven by love and care.
It was only 6 months that me and Yogesh formally started dating each other and yet we were not sure. I do not know what questions I had or what ideas he had about me, about us, all I remember now is that we needed a long long time to sit and talk about a lot of things. But not just talk, we needed the right environment too. Then one day we decided to take a break and on impulse we booked tickets to lucknow. We both were not willing to spend a night together so it was decided that we would go early morning and return same night to Delhi.
It was a crazy plan for the moment he suggested it and I booked the tickets. On the day we had to travel , I was so looking forward to the trip. The morning journey was in a Chair Car seat where we were served breakfast and chai. Settled comfortably, we talked of our time together so far and what we thought was good and missing between us.
When we reached, we first asked the auto driver to drop at the best place nearby for a huge lunch. Happy with the well fed tummy, we considered whst next to do and after not too much deliberations, we went for the latest Bond movie. A coffee and lot of street food hopping later, we decided to go shopping for something in chicken work as memory of the trip. While we were at the shop, there was a very pretty saree that i wished to buy but it was little expensive. Yogesh noticed my interest and the hesitation and whispered that one day he will bring me back to lucknow to buy the same saree.
It was probably the kind of gesture i was waiting for. Or maybe it was all that we talked and laughed about in the day that cemented my faith in this relation. After dinner when we settled in the train back to home, we had started creating a dream in our hearts to one day be home to each other.
We did not do anything different from what we would have done in delhi but just the change of place and being together meant so much for us that day. It was a new light to our paths that had intersected and were now joined for a life time.
I told my parents about him soon after that.
That trip still is my most precious memory together. And writing this post , I realized that this year I might buy that saree too. From lucknow of course πŸ™‚

#StartANewLife. Move ! Happiness is waiting

One thing leads to another , they say. And that’s how most tales begin or end in real life too.
I met Yogesh after I moved to Delhi and one of the major reason was that I had started to depend on him for any information or help I needed regarding places and transport in Delhi. But the reason and circumstances that led me to delhi were nothing I had imagined.
It was Dec 2010 , I was working in Bangalore when my parents had asked me to comeΒ  home urgently. Little did I know I was supposed to meet a guy , the prospective groom that my dad’s best friend had suggested. I was recovering from a break up and was not really ready for such a step but I still went ahead with the plans. The guy was nice to talk to and within half hour we were chatting quite freely. This was good enough for both the sides and within an hour , I was formally engaged to the guy.
To say that I was shocked is an understatement. I could not believe what had happened and for a whole week after returning to Bangalore ,Β  I did no tell even my best friend about it. I had met the guy just one more time before leaving Delhi and that was on my insistence ’cause I wanted to be sure about the whole scene and perhaps about the guy too.
Life soon became a series of calls and emails between us but there was no warmth and feeling of being treated special for me. I wanted a lot more and somehow was not convinced at all that the guy liked me. I had already resigned from my current job without even having another job in hand ’cause my parents wanted me to concentrate on wedding for few months and find a new job once I returned fromΒ  Bangalore. One disappointment led to another and things kept getting worse between us. No amount of talks and suggestions improved his attention towards me and one day I called the wedding off. I had to convince my parents ( threaten actually) and turn a deaf and blind attitude towards all the over concerned relatives but I knew I had to do this for myself.Β  I thought of staying back in Bangalore for a few more months but I knew I had better return to Delhi and face whatever was in store for me.
3 months at home without a job and constant reminders of a failed engagement later I got a job in Delhi and in August 2010 i settled in this city. Finding a PG was a hassle as back then , we did not have services like https://housing.com/in but as was in luck , I found a very caring set of people and later best friend too.
I found a caring and loyal friend in Yogesh when we first met in September 2010. Inspite of all hurdles and differences,Β  3 years later, we married each other.
My move to Delhi was not a happy phase but who knew it was the very thing that would give me happiness for a life time.Β  All we need is now a home to call our own where we can build our own heaven. And I know just where to start searching when time comes !

I was here

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I was there,
that dark harrowing place
of self doubt and neglect
of negativity and hurt
of being stubborn beyond reason
of acting beyond comprehension;
I was there,
feeling trapped and alone
from bars of my own creation
from feelings that defied traditions
from ideas devoid of action
from words that shamed all reactions.
I was there
supposedly for a long time
ignoring of my lover’s songs
ignoring the best friend’s hopes
ignoring the stranger’s smiles
ignoring my own heart’s cries.
I was there.
no more, not again
that is not a promise I can make
that is not the road I always take
that is a battle I fight each day
that is a war I will win one day.
 

Silent Reading Meet#1 : how it happened

It started with a post that the awesome traveler Doulos shared on fb about silent reading parties / meeting in US ! This totally caught my interest and i asked him to arrange one in Delhi too. A month later we again talked about it and this time he assigned the job to me.
So, a fb event was created. Date and venue was picked over calls and chats. And we were set.
Last Saturday, 5pm I reached the venue to find 4 people waiting for me. 3 more joined in next half hour while we discussed the books we had got to read. Amidst the lovely ruins of hauz khas, sitting on the lush green grass, we turned to our books and silently read for an hour. It was the longest stretch of reading i had in a long long time. And it was so amazing.
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This one experience was enough for me to want to do this again. And i will. Come august, i will create another event for second meet of silent readers. If you happen to be in delhi that weekend, do join me.
 
I also made some bookmarks for the fellow readers ~Β IMG_20140719_112714
 
 
 
 
 
Keep reading . Stay blessed πŸ™‚