There are not many instances that I lose my cool in office. I have cried often when I have performed bad , or felt hurt by some one’s remarks , but never had I replied back in such scenarios. One thing that I absolutely can not let go though is personal insult or allegations. I am not very rigid person but when pitted against some one who only wants to prove his ego the reason for all actions, I have realized I have a bigger ego and stubbornness in such moments , not that I am particularly proud of this.
What I fail to understand and accept is colossal disregard to professional etiquette and more than that , the tendency to NOT follow processes. Processes are there to help people know the best way to deal with any situation and to avoid chaos of any and all kinds. When some one can not respect that , I judge him already. Add to that , the fight to prove himself right in all ways is as much as my flaw , it is unpardonable in people who argue without concern.
I have learned to be gracious and agile with such great effort , and yet breaking that habit becomes a necessity some days. Guess , the lessons are not so much ingrained in me as I thought 😉
Hopefully tomorrow would be a different and better day.
I could so much use some positive vibes to keep my cool next time , I feel like banging my head into a wall or some one who acts like one.
Hope your week going better !
This is not yet a post where I reflect on the year gone by and list the good and bad of it. It is also not yet the time and moment to sort the lessons from the mistakes or make different section of the people you met or let go. This is more about how I want to do all this. How to properly send off 2015 into the portals of my mind wjere it is saved and remembered well for the right reasons.
The first thought was to go alone on a journey and as the cities are left behind, I tick of all the months and weeks of the year gone by. Since that is some luxary I can not afford at the moment ( my medical leaves last month have left me with neither time nor health to travel far ) , I thought of alternatives. The motive is to be alone and relaxed enough to be honest , be objective , bit harsh in scrutiny and kind on yourself equally. The idea is to aporeciate the goodness of life , goodness in yourself and whatever iota you got from people around you. And lastly, the task is to decide what to leave behind in this year itself – mistakes , people , negativity and memories too.
So I thought of having a date with myself next weekend – coffee , a diary , a planner for next year and lastly a goid walk alone to reaffirm my proMises and plans.
How are you going to say goodBye to 2015 ?
So , from last 4 years , I hosted Dec writing challenge where I asked people to sum up the year gone by. This year I had no intention of doing that ( no idea why ) but I sure wanted to revive my blog before the year ends.
A quick update on the last month is that I spent first half of it being sick and the last 10 days recovering from a minor surgery. I am lot better ( and a little lighter 😉 ) from the food my mom been feeding me. and if that is going to be the trend for next 45 days , I am sure I can finally lose some inches 😀
Another reason I wanted to revive the blog was to write – anything and almost everything that comes to my mind. hopefully , you will see some random yet sensible posts till I gain more confidence and readership 😛
Finally, I hope I will visit and read all you awesome people I follow.
More laters !
PS : I actually logged in to check out the WP snow balls 😀
PPS: I love them.
Sometimes you have stuff to write, but not to write about. Its like this huge craving to read your own thoughts and yet not reveal anything going inside the head. To look around at stories happenning, and yet be selfish enough to hide from them. What if they wanted to be written and passed on ?
Someday, i will surrender.
Someday soon i will revive this page.
This bond with words and all of you who still keep in touch here.
Someday I will be back to your world.
To your blogs.
Sometimes all you need is to have cozy conversations and hugs. More hugs than talks perhaps. You need to feel the bonds grow in each other’s hearts and to feel the blessings that God sends in terms of people. Often we forget to give a chance to the heart to feel free to sbut the mind for time being. Sometimes crazy company is all that you need to loosen up yourself.
So have more conversations, hug a lot f lovely friends and just yourself go free in their caring company.
Something I did last night. And loved every moment of it.
Sleepless nights have become a norm this week. Like a well gaurded secret , the night grows inside me till its ready to rip my thougts apart into million little dreams , some of which are already standing at the edge of nightmarish abyss.
It is not the thoughts that keep me awake but the fact that i have no thouht other than you. Call it my obsession or love for you , it matters not to me. You are the light I follow and search every moment am alone. Being even physically away from you any night makes me feel a part of me has been taken away from me. How does one sleep with one eye open or with one lung refusing to breathe ?
What has coffee to do with this you ask, knowing am more of a chai lover. Well, truth is chai reminds me of you , the way you like to have a different one each night and how much I love the weekly bed tea you get for me. So the craving for coffee to push your thoughts away from my head while I struggle with completing some work.
Sleepless nights have become a norm this week as much as keeping the night bulb on in the room. Trying to trash the shadows lurking around me, I await the dawn to hear your morning wishes.
What have you done to me , I wonder in vain. I know its not you or me but just that fact that its just you and me , me and you , you for me and me for you forever and ever.
Come home soon.
I miss my sleep now.
Togetherness is not always about staying together or being able to meet as and when you wish. If love is true, these things do not matter ; people said. But some days you can not decide if it is just a phase or that’s how your relation is going to be. A relationship is like a house which has to be turned into home just like two people can make any place on housing.com into a heaven by love and care.
It was only 6 months that me and Yogesh formally started dating each other and yet we were not sure. I do not know what questions I had or what ideas he had about me, about us, all I remember now is that we needed a long long time to sit and talk about a lot of things. But not just talk, we needed the right environment too. Then one day we decided to take a break and on impulse we booked tickets to lucknow. We both were not willing to spend a night together so it was decided that we would go early morning and return same night to Delhi.
It was a crazy plan for the moment he suggested it and I booked the tickets. On the day we had to travel , I was so looking forward to the trip. The morning journey was in a Chair Car seat where we were served breakfast and chai. Settled comfortably, we talked of our time together so far and what we thought was good and missing between us.
When we reached, we first asked the auto driver to drop at the best place nearby for a huge lunch. Happy with the well fed tummy, we considered whst next to do and after not too much deliberations, we went for the latest Bond movie. A coffee and lot of street food hopping later, we decided to go shopping for something in chicken work as memory of the trip. While we were at the shop, there was a very pretty saree that i wished to buy but it was little expensive. Yogesh noticed my interest and the hesitation and whispered that one day he will bring me back to lucknow to buy the same saree.
It was probably the kind of gesture i was waiting for. Or maybe it was all that we talked and laughed about in the day that cemented my faith in this relation. After dinner when we settled in the train back to home, we had started creating a dream in our hearts to one day be home to each other.
We did not do anything different from what we would have done in delhi but just the change of place and being together meant so much for us that day. It was a new light to our paths that had intersected and were now joined for a life time.
I told my parents about him soon after that.
That trip still is my most precious memory together. And writing this post , I realized that this year I might buy that saree too. From lucknow of course 🙂
One thing leads to another , they say. And that’s how most tales begin or end in real life too.
I met Yogesh after I moved to Delhi and one of the major reason was that I had started to depend on him for any information or help I needed regarding places and transport in Delhi. But the reason and circumstances that led me to delhi were nothing I had imagined.
It was Dec 2010 , I was working in Bangalore when my parents had asked me to come home urgently. Little did I know I was supposed to meet a guy , the prospective groom that my dad’s best friend had suggested. I was recovering from a break up and was not really ready for such a step but I still went ahead with the plans. The guy was nice to talk to and within half hour we were chatting quite freely. This was good enough for both the sides and within an hour , I was formally engaged to the guy.
To say that I was shocked is an understatement. I could not believe what had happened and for a whole week after returning to Bangalore , I did no tell even my best friend about it. I had met the guy just one more time before leaving Delhi and that was on my insistence ’cause I wanted to be sure about the whole scene and perhaps about the guy too.
Life soon became a series of calls and emails between us but there was no warmth and feeling of being treated special for me. I wanted a lot more and somehow was not convinced at all that the guy liked me. I had already resigned from my current job without even having another job in hand ’cause my parents wanted me to concentrate on wedding for few months and find a new job once I returned from Bangalore. One disappointment led to another and things kept getting worse between us. No amount of talks and suggestions improved his attention towards me and one day I called the wedding off. I had to convince my parents ( threaten actually) and turn a deaf and blind attitude towards all the over concerned relatives but I knew I had to do this for myself. I thought of staying back in Bangalore for a few more months but I knew I had better return to Delhi and face whatever was in store for me.
3 months at home without a job and constant reminders of a failed engagement later I got a job in Delhi and in August 2010 i settled in this city. Finding a PG was a hassle as back then , we did not have services like https://housing.com/in but as was in luck , I found a very caring set of people and later best friend too.
I found a caring and loyal friend in Yogesh when we first met in September 2010. Inspite of all hurdles and differences, 3 years later, we married each other.
My move to Delhi was not a happy phase but who knew it was the very thing that would give me happiness for a life time. All we need is now a home to call our own where we can build our own heaven. And I know just where to start searching when time comes !
I have been wondering what to write for Yogesh from last 3 days. Before wedding, i have written so much poetry about him, us , love and post wedding the feelings have just been exceptionally overwhelming.
What do I not thank you for dear husband ?? I remember starting a happiness jar and the first note was for the wonderful family I have got through you. Never have I felt I am the outsider in your world or theirs.
I took the 100 happy days challenge and one third posts were for you ( actually it was for the late night chai you make for me When I am lazy )
I started the reading meets and you made such lovely posters for the invites , you bear my dilemma for venues, accompany me on each meet and even pretend to read at times.
you download the songs I like some times so I have something to hear when we go for a drive.
You smile at all my silly ideas and never even dissuade me , even when you have your doubts !
These are the few things that seem small but make the most difference to me. I am thankful that you accept me as I am and even if you keep poking me to be better or different, its never out of my zone.
I am happy for the love and cares as much as the arguments we have because that show that we know not just to please but to have differences and resolve them too.
Thank you everything and every moment you have spent with me before wedding for that made me fall in love with you. Thank you more for keeping that love in such high esteem every passing day.
If there is what I have learned from 2014 , it is to always be thankful for your life – both the good and not so good of it ( It can always be worse and you can make it so better ) So , this challenge is going to make me express the same feeling here on my blog. Other reasons can be :
1. I want to blog more
2. It helps me if I have a topic to write on
3. The thank you posts will be duly shared with the person ( if applicable ) as a handwritten note of my heartfelt gratitude.
4. I wish more people be inspired to be thankful for their blessings and crib a little less.
5. I want myself to NOT FORGET being happy and thankful each passing day.
Ok , that will do I suppose. Also ,I hear the microwave calling me. Something healthy is cooking 😉
<musings of a healing soul and a warrior of words>