Category Archives: random thought

Holding to the old …

The new year celebrations are over for likes of me – specifically for the people of my age. The religious calendar followed at my home differs though. It will be on fourteenth that the month of kharmas ( inauspicious days as per Hindu astrological calculations) will be over. January fourteenth marks the accepted and expected end of winters in my part of the country. This will be celebrated by a bonfire , festive dinner menu and passing gifts to the loved ones , prayers to the local gods for new crop etc

January musings

I have never before paid attention to these rituals in the house , except for arranging gifts assigned to me and making sure that essential snacks are ordered online and delivered on the mentioned date. Me and husband will wait for my mother-in-law to prepare the sweets and once it has been offered to the gods , it will be given to the people in the house. This year it’s not much different but I feel compelled to honor the traditions and to know about them more. I have a sudden urge to be a part of the celebrations of my religion and to make them a part of my own life , without feeling like a guest.
This January came with news of moving away from my family and to have a new start in a faraway city. This month just got a completely different meaning for me in terms of new year , new month , new life perhaps. And I seek to know my roots better , before this shift. I wish I had more time to treasure all that I have taken for granted so far.
new chapter begins
the leaves become the roots
new flowers from old ..
*****
{This is my attempt at a haibun after years so I admit I am way out of practice for the form.}
Linked to Dverse Poets and Colleen’s Tanka Tuesday

Little clouds of dreams

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Like dandelions
Fluttering freely in the air
The white fluffy dreams blinking
in the sun; I stand there rooted
Looking at the blinding light
Confusing it with hurdles.
Once the eyes close, it is clear;
the strength I need,the affirmations,
the will and the confidence
It’s all there in me; burning low
But enough to be stroked into a fire
The won’t burn me but has the power
Of a Phoenix to rise from within;
The dreams now stick to me
Like clouds of cotton candy
Sweetening the air and mouth so sticky,
I return to the night, wiser probably.

Be prepared to change

Offlate I am talking to a lot of people in office and outside about what they want to do and how they plan to go about it. Most times people have much dreams and aspirations to make money but not the will to work for it. How can one expect to stay comfortable and still make progress?
It is also foolish when you decide not to let yourself be stagnate or your knowledge be rusted. The ever moving economy and dynamics of work demands one to be on your feet and walking in same stride as with the business needs. Ask not what the company can do for you , but what have you done to help your cause first. If you keep doing the current work best without planning for next step, there would be no change in where you are. Gradually you will be forced to fade into the increasing masses of people like you.
One has to be well read , well informed and prepared to leap into new challenges if you ever wish to make a difference to your own life and living.

Updates.

So , from last 4 years , I hosted Dec writing challenge where I asked people to sum up the year gone by. This year I had no intention of doing that ( no idea why ) but I sure wanted to revive my blog before the year ends.
A quick update on the last month is that I spent first half of it being sick and the last 10 days recovering from a minor surgery. I am lot better ( and a little lighter 😉 ) from the food my mom been feeding me. and if that is going to be the trend for next 45 days , I am sure I can finally lose some inches 😀
Another reason I wanted to revive the blog was to write – anything and almost everything that comes to my mind. hopefully , you will see some random yet sensible posts till I gain more confidence and readership 😛
Finally, I hope I will visit and read all you awesome people I follow.
More laters !
Stay blessed.
PS : I actually logged in to check out the WP snow balls 😀
PPS: I love them.

Lets (not) have a baby

Last month, me and pati ( husband ) had an argument about his lack of time and attention for me ( i admit i might have exaggerated the scene a bit ) which ended up making both of us a bit irritated.
Next morning, during breakfast he asks me if i really wanted to have a kid. I told him no way was i prepared for the reaponsibility. He just accepted it with a nod, while i kept wondering why he even asked about it.
It was last week when i remembered the reason. While i was being upset with him, i had said, “perhaps we should have a kid. That way i will be busy with the child and you wouldn’t have to worry about me being alone or bored”
And i could not be more wrong. Is this how the relatives or other people think when they keep asking you to have kids ? Just to have some one bind the guy to home ? Or two people to each other ? Or even if for taking the family lineage ahead ? Is it not unfair on the partner who isn’t ready or more so to the child when you are not financially or mentally  prepared for bringing up a child.
I never would have thought about this again till today morning when i read an article on reasons for which one should not have kids. And i realize, even the thought of having a child for any reason other than two mature adults wanting to nurture a life is so damn wrong.
Having a child is a personal decision but it never should be a selfish one.

Finding home.

This is a different world. This is a different life. I like it but I can’t get used to it. Meaning of home has changed. And how.

This is a facebook status I put this weekend. This weekend was the same that I spent with my parents. After almost 2 – 3 months I spent more than 1 night at home. And even though I loved being there – being lazy , being silent , cooking for mom and dad , meeting best friend in town , sleeping , reading and watching one movie each day of the weekend [ yes , it was this awesomely perfect] ; a part of me felt uneasy.

It was like I was a guest in that home. I knew the people living there , but not the space they occupied. It was like I once was in the frame but now have slipped out of it and looking at the empty picture with unease.

When did I begin to feel restless at my own home ? Was it always this way but I kept ignoring it while busying myself with siblings. I guess being alone with parents made me feel their loneliness but instead of sharing it , it made me feel like them. Still, they had their home . I did not.

A dear and very much special friend commented on the status :

Home has always been where your heart is. In other news, welcome to grown up world dear. You are ready to make your own home.

And that set me thinking a bit more. To some extent , I felt at home in the house I live in right now with my bestie.  From long there was parent’s home and “my” home. But now I don’t feel I have any home. Yes , for once I feel lost. If that’s a beginning of growing up , I guess the journey has begun.

I need a corner of my own , surrounded by my books and music , my choice of wallpapers and feel of the cold floor beneath my feet. I am finally ready to support and provide to others, the anchor I need. I am prepared to step out and claim my mark on some space.

I have to go.
Go and create or search my home.
Just my space of love.

PS : growing up can be so lonely and confusing. even when you got someone to hold and look upto for love.

==

Poetry lovers , please check my e book on amazon here. Let me know if you need help with kindle installation or download of the book.

Karma

IMG-20120927-WA000Few months back , I asked myself the question , why I am good [ Assuming I am a good human being]. This was following a discussion with a friend about people being good till they have no opportunity to be otherwise. A true check of one’s character is how he/she behaves when presented the opportunity to be mean and also get away with it.

And after much thought, I realized that my reasons for being the way I am is belief in my Karma.

Karma for me is the principle that governs my actions and my life.

Said In simpler terms , Karma is the cause and effect way of living. It states that the effects ( rewards / punishments ) of every action of yours would be decided and passed on to you in this very lifetime. No deed of yours goes unreported and is tracked till the right moment. There be delay in the judgement , but be assured , it will happen. And to add more to the effect , the punishments are handed down in cumulative manner for all the sins in past.

And this , scares me. One can say I am good from the fear of punishment. I used to feel embarrassed about it before. But not today. I am good and whatever keeps me this way – karma , God’s words , my moral codes , my mother’s teachings .. anything that keep the happy glow in my life’s light , I am thankful for it. There is nothing wrong to admit that you fear god’s wrath. I do. And like a kid scared of the strict teacher , I am willing to be cautious forever as to not make mistake.

May my Karma keep me blessed.

Hope you all find the light for your life and keep it shining 🙂

==


& Alphabe Thursday – K 

Into another Jan,we step

Another Jan.
Another year begins.
Another set of goals.
Another sky full of dreams – mine for myself , of loved ones from me , mine for the loved ones.
Another glance back at the paths left behind – some traveled some not.
Another look around at the smiling faces that step into this unknown journey with me – wondering how many will still be there next jan.
Another thankful nod to them and a warm welcome to the new friends.
Another empty notebook on the desk of life.

And I write ….

Watching both ahead and back,
here and there,
around and within,
inside out of my heart
outside held in my palms,
setting a new goal for me
painting a picture of happier me.
asking myself if am alone
finding a hand to securely hold on.
knowing for once,life is good,
keeping faith in music and books.
loving him ,sometimes less that more,
loving self, more than most.

Written for OSI , Month of the year challenge – January