Hating him was not a choice; loving as forbidden as breathing. She build stories in her head of what-ifs and why-nots whenever memories surfaced; Living different lives in far away cities; a world separated by hurt yet connected by a single desire to bury their secret – how his determination to never cross paths became the reason to keep loving.
Steering a path lined with stars, flowers of all colored quartz; She walks in shadows writing her last songs of lost tomorrows, forgotten curses, gratitude misplaced – life goes on heavy hearts, even emptier soul.
You have know it so well,
Like lines of my own hand,
No touch , no words, no sight
Yet, our meeting would not be right.
You love me not for yourself
But it’s a kindness we allow,
It’s complete in its own silence
Hence dangerous is it’s existence.
What’s for you to lose, I question
You own me,owe me in equal parts
One hug, one kiss, one hurried meet
That’s all I asked,just make this wish.
I am married , you remind me
No thanks to you, I say
Now we are being cruel on purpose,
We have to,there is no saner way.
The meeting was never fixed,
Nor any pretense to make it happen
I loved in the emails saved in drafts,
You loved me in pictures of past.
Linked to One link night @ dVerse
Post note : We all have that one person whom we first thought to settle with and even when that dream shattered , we kept the hopes alive with ample amount of lonely tears. Even after I got married to THE BEST guy I ever could meet ,I kept the hopes of one day meeting this old lover and perhaps ask him why I was ghosted from his life. ’cause it hurt real bad. But it’s been over two years I have not blamed myself for that or wanted to ever see this person. This poem was a milestone to this letting go. I did not want to write this story but got inspired by #ForgivingFriday prompt for the week.
I let go of thoughts that tie me to people for whom I don’t even exist.
Let me never be too blind Or ignorant like them I wish to not make me a stone Battered by time and flow let them notspill blood In my name, or to humor me. Otherwise be free to kill me Let me lie. My truth will find light.
— This poem is inspired by the powerful words shared by Amaya on Poetics Tuesday prompt.
Sometimes Life surprises you with certain events and encounters that have a reason but no logic still. A few days back , someone followed me on one of my social profile and liked a lot of posts , all book related ones ( 21 pics to be accurate ) . It was creepy ( do not ask why ) at first but when I checked her profile , she turned out to be another booklover. When I asked her how she landed on my profile , she said that she was trying for a user name for her mother who has same name as me and the surname too ( Her mother in Pande and I use Yogesh’s surname Pandey ) due to which she found my page.
Well , life you sure work in weird ways.
And such sweet instances do keep me loving you a little bit more !
Bless me more such smiles and people around !
So I took the decision to wear more sarees this year and same time two amazing ladies had the idea to begin the #100sareePact on social media where they are going to wear 100 sarees this year. Of course I had to take part. And 7nsarees later , am already known for the saree pics and tales plus got a cool new nickname SWAN. Which stands for Saree Wali Awesome Nari ( the awesome lady in saree )
As I get to see about 10 saree pics each day on my timeline, read the stories and general stuff that ladies discuss about sarees , I realized am still a toddler in the world of this regal indian attire. I have so much to know and learn everyday and of course to try out that the woman in me has to be chained heavily in case she goes on a shopping spree ! As my MIL says that i take no time to shop sitting in front of a laptop .. click click click !!!!!
So , here is my Wishlist to begin with, wether in terms of buying or trying –
Learn and wear Gujrati pallu style
Learn Bengali drape style
Own a kanjivaram saree
Own a Black saree with golden zari / brocade border
Wear my wedding saree again
Stay one whole day in saree ( apart from office ) and not skip any chore
Host one reading meet in a saree !
Know all possible fabrics in a saree
Know the differemt regional names for saree styles
Gift same saree to mother , myself, SIL and MIL and get a pic together
Make one saree myself – doing sequins or embroidery work
Own a designer saree
Of course this will take me few years but i do want to have an amazing collection as well as comfort carrying off any Saree for all purposes and occassions.
So join in with your stories , pics or maybe encourage yourself to try this 6 yard beauty more often !
Image source : Friedeye.com
Naashta or breakfast is the most important meal of the day. And contrary to those who believe in having a light one, it actually has to be a good hearty meal. A full stomach early in the morning will be well digested and utilized by tje end of day providing you energy and satisfaction too. After all who can fuction well ifnyour brain keeps thinking of food all the time ?
Being a breakfast skipper all during the college days , i got back into the habit of having breakfast when I joined work and made friends who could not function without breakfast. Gradually thi one habit helped me a lot in weight management and to avoid high calorie snacking during the day.
Thankfully the office cafeteria also had cold milk with fruits and kellogs as an option and so started my journey with kellogs.
Over the period of time I moved into a house of my own with a kitchen and then married into a foodie family but what i still miss most about my first job , I think breakfast options would be second to the friends who accompanied me for naashta daily.
Who doesn’t like to be served fresh and healthy breakfast every day ? If i ever have the liberty and luxury of having a cook, i will keep him/her only for breakfast. I love to cook rest of the meals but not unless am well fed. You can expect a dinner invite from me if you agree to serve me breakfast ( preferable in bed 😉 ) fed up of making parathaas or maggi daily, some of the kellogs ready made and easy to make and have options like corn flakes , crunchy nut museli , microwave cooked masala oats became a norm in my kitchen. Even at the in-laws, no one was complaining ’cause we were getting our fair share of grainy nutrition right in the morning. Then gradually I became curious about what more can be done with these ingredients that is as tasy and as healthy.
Chef Vikas says that every food ingredient has some replacement in terms if health or taste depending on what you prefer. And so my search led me to https://www.facebook.com/anaajkanashta where there is so much to try and surprise my family with.
Be it papaji who loves anything healthy , or the younger brother who likes his meals few but very full, or my conventional mummyji or the husband who is a little moody with food choices but loves to experiment , kellogs has a product and multiple recipes for everyone here – https://www.youtube.com/user/kelloggindia
So it brings back to breakfast served to the family not cooked by me or MIL. If given a chance , I will request kellogs waale guptaji and family to let us join them over a breakfast of cabbage corn salad for papa , cornflakes chana chaat for brother and mummy who like anything spicy, cornflakes fruity yoghurt cup for husband and lastly cheesy cornflakes for myself ( the name itself gives me so much giggles ). Being a good guest , we are not supposed to go empty handed so I will take cornflakes coconut laddoo for them. Afterall , whats a welcome or thank you without sweets ?
You think all this is too much to handle at one time ? Oh no way ! With just a little preparation in the early morning, every member can have a wonderful healthy breakfast and also have a wonderful day ahead , thanks to kellogs and the so innovative recipes avaialble on one click.
Grains , milk , raw veggies or fruits and some nuts ! Can anyone beat this healthy and pocket friendly option for naashta !! So aap kya khaayenge ? (What will you like ?)
Expensive things do not make one happy, they make you proud. It is the simplest and smallest ones that matter a lot more
My mother always taught this to me and she could prove it by most amusing of examples too. Like once when I was too hungry, she asked if I would want to have some toy i wanted or want to have daal-roti. Of course I wanted the toy too but at that moment I was damn hungry. I wanted nothing other than a good meal. So perhaps happiness is more about what you need that moment ? For this she said that the toy can get old and break after a while, or perhaps I will no longer like it but there are some things and certain gestures that are universal. Such things appeal to you always and sometimes to everyone. THAT IS HAPPINESS. A feeling that will last as a memory and that do not need to reproduced with materials alone as it is seen here – http://CokeURL.com/96jnc
Of course such lessons were as hard to accept and follow as much to hear at that time. But as you grow ( if you grow in the right direction i mean ) you see the sense in such words. Last year when I took lart in the #100happydays challenge, I was amazed myself how I could finish that. Being a little pessimistic person, being happy was a task unless you start believing that you have all the right to be happy and it is not dependent on someone as micj as you think. Then you have the most amusing and sometimes ridiculous list of things that make you happy. Here is mine (in no particular order ) –
Bed tea – Am willing to get up and serve the chai but not to stand and stare at it while it boils. No sir, i will rather sleep 5 more min. I love those 5 min sleep phases too.
Dinner – I do not care if the food is warm or not, as long as i get something to eat within 15 min of reaching home, I am a happy lady. If nothing, i will make chai and maggi each day
New Books – Am a bookworm.
New Earrings – its an obsession to buy and have anything that catches my fancy. Blame it on the late introductions to fashion !
Wearing Saree – it makes my husband praise me a little more 😉
Praises – from my mother and husband who otherwise believes she is on a mission to keep scolding us to change and be better.
Good company – for anything and everything. Sometimes you are the best company for yourself
Old songs that make you nostalgic of some more happy moments
Cooking ’cause food is love and feeding others is a devotion.
Also it is happiness to write such posts about being happy so that you can feel blessed for all the above reasons. Everyone needs such reminders to be thankful and more happy.
Cherish your reasons and the happiness.
I have already mentioned that for the most years of my experiencing the world, away from home ; My friends were my family. I still count few to mean as much to me as my close knit world of parents and siblings – mine and Yogesh’s included.
This is going to be a post about two of my favorite guys who know me much before Yogesh and a little bit better too sometimes. These two have been a blessing not just one moment or few times a year but practically everytime I ping them, Its like my ultimate chance of seeking answers and peace.
I will not name either ’cause the post isn’t about that. This is an attempt to acknowledge and tell you how much special you are to my life and how much I love you both.
I have my off days more than the good days and irrespective of being warned and threatened by one of you that it will do me major harm some day, i am not concerned because no matter what happens, I am going to have your support.
For every week we have knows each other, for every argument and days of not talking, I have more days when just a hello from you have made me believe that God has sent me angels !
I wish for you lot of joys and friemdswho are better than me. And for my sake , dare not change. You are the nicest men I know and most inspiring too. Thank you for every moment and memories.
<musings of a healing soul and a warrior of words>