I sometimes regret
once knowing you so well
like a part of my own soul,
your words that healed me
like the blood of my own;
if only I could have kept you
trapped in my memories alone,
as if you were never mine to be;
I wished for a sister, a companion
to my lonely, loveless world,
forgetting how our forbidden love
would bring upon us, all the ill-luck.
The prompt for day#6 poem @ toads was to write a poem in the voice of another: in this case, the voice of a woman living in feudal times, addressing her laotang (a lifelong BFF/soul sister matched to young girls in China).
Often I find my thoughts Subjected to microscope Of my own history with you – Pastel walls surround Me, on the corner table with metal chairs, next to the only window in the cafe, I see under the natural light, Across the road I see you, throwing smiles at everyone picking flowers and coffee I follow your path to me One more time or last, I wonder; My feet lead me here, again even with a new name and address memories refuse to leave me, this window, this corner, our breakup
The day I first loved this color; buying bangles, dress, jewelry everything in shades of gold & red – the auspicious color of traditions, of tying two hearts & fates together of prayers, wishes, hopes and dreams A symbol of me being with you for next seven lifetimes a mark of me belonging not just you, but a new life of passion, of loyalty, of honor The day I first picked this dress, I realized the power of red to change a nervous lover into the most confident bride.
I started watching Asian Dramas ( mostly the kdramas initially ) sometime last year. It was one or two shows from Netflix initially but then I had a lot of free time in the last two months of 2019, and I finished watching about 15+ Asian dramas before the year ended.
The mention of the red thread of fate tying the two couples with each other was the only reason I decided to give the show a try. I dived into it without any expectation and it hooked me with the opening scene itself. The emotional rollercoaster that the scene threw me into, continues with every passing episode. The show is slow-paced (in a nice way), a very intimate look at the love life of the couples in the show. And I am a sucker for stories spanning across generations and how fate ties people to each other. It is a story of three gay couples and it was amusing for me to see a show where the straight coupling is almost absent and there are more people cheering for the gay couple. Another thing that was so new to me was witnessing a completely different culture through this show. I am kind of used to Korean shows by now but this being the first Thai show for me, it was interesting to learn new salutations,about the food, the places and interaction of the people through this series.
Till two episodes into the show, it had not fully dawned to me that this is a m/m love story and it is completely different from the romance stories I usually watch. This Thai drama made me wonder about the reception of such shows in the country and worldwide among the viewers of Asian dramas. That’s how I came across the term Boys’ Love / BL / Yaoi
Yaoi also known as boys’ love or BL is a genre of fictional media that features homoerotic relationships between male characters. It is typically created by women for women but it can also attract male readers and male creators can also produce it. It spans a wide range of media, including manga, anime, drama CDs, novels, games, and fan production. Boys love and its abbreviation BL are the generic terms for this kind of media in Japan and have, in recent years, become more commonly used in English as well.
( from Wikipedia)
During a recent book-related conversation, it was pointed to me that most of my fav YA book recommendations were of the BL category. What started as an out-of-comfort-zone read for me, subconsciously became a favorite genre over time. But I avoided watching dramas/ movies of this genre as I was not sure if I would be comfortable with some of the sex scenes (I skip them in the books most times). UWMAseries though, with its beautiful story and brilliant acting by the young cast, and subtle hints towards a slow-building intimacy, broke that bias in my head. Case-in-point, the latest episode [ linked to youtube] which was a highly awaited one to finally see the lead couple to “do it”. We get to see only the initial kiss and then the next morning scene. But later in the show, we hear about it from a neighbor in a third POV. So you know what happened without the actual scene being shown. This and many such scenes together make this show a benchmark for me. In a way, it was a perfect show for me to explore the BL drama genre. It is a no-nonsense, happy feel show, though quite a tear-jerker in most episodes.
This series also highlights some amazing friendship bonds as much as it focuses on the couples. Whether it is Dean – Win / Dean – Sorn / Pharm – Team or Manaow – Del bonding, every scene is full of fun, affection and genuine care for each other. Families of both Dean & Pharm are understanding and loving towards them and the partners alike even when telling them that it will not be easy for them in society.
Though I have already watched each episode twice, I am eagerly awaiting the show to end so I can watch it once again from beginning to end and cry one more time. The only thing I want right now is to have a happy and satisfying end to the show *fingers crossed* and then maybe one more mini-series for Win – Team pairing. Looks like I have become a fan of some of the BL couples and shows.
While reading about UWMAseries on twitter, I came across Psycho Milk and his blog. Within a week, I had read half of the blog sts on the BL dramas – the history [ I started with this opinion post on the blog], the initial works current ones and his reviews of these dramas /movies. [Linked to notable BL drama list from his blog ]. This led me to watch a few (or a lot) more BL dramas, about which I will talk in the next post.
A little ball of darkness, hidden deep inside – so many negative thoughts below the layers of doubts; Untouched by love and light, i wasn’t ready for a gift like you since you kissed me one night, my dreams feel bright and new; Scared of losing,I refuse your claim but days,weeks and months pass, you fight the sadness in my soul by bringing to me moon and stars; Away from you,but forever in thoughts an empty shell, looking sad and lost I know it is not how its supposed to be, but darling, without you, I fail to breathe.
Hating him was not a choice; loving as forbidden as breathing. She build stories in her head of what-ifs and why-nots whenever memories surfaced; Living different lives in far away cities; a world separated by hurt yet connected by a single desire to bury their secret – how his determination to never cross paths became the reason to keep loving.
“You should always reach for the stars , if you want to end up with some stardust at least”, her mother’s voice echoed in her head as she watched him walk out of the door , not for the first time but perhaps the last if she could not convince herself of the flaws in this philosophy.
With every step he took away from her, the pain in her head intensified , reaching the nape of her neck and spreading to her limbs gradually. The tears came next , uninvited yet relentless in their expression of disappointment at her actions , or the lack of it.
At end of the hallway , he paused and turned towards the picture that hung on the left wall; their first date in the old coffee house that did not exist anymore, maybe like their patience for each other’s limitations; he thought to himself and instinctively touched the photo where their hands met each other.
“I am sorry,but I can not promise you the stars anymore when I do not even trust the land to let me stand unharmed any more.”, he said softly before looking into her eyes with a new resolve. “But you will always rule the underground as my queen and I promise the skies are not any less pretty there even if devoid of stars or star dust; you can hang some of our love to light up the nights if needed”, he said and wished to her to not let him go , one more time ; one last time.
For every moment, you have shown me love, I have had a million doubts on me, questions on my self-worth; why for do I deserve this light, but for every such night, I also remember how goodness of a heart, needs a receptive soul, even a little dark, to understand the price you and I paid for this alliance; I remember the verses I owed to gods of broken hearts, begging for a reason for my tears, to show me a way away from fears. And it led me to your fragile soul, hard from outside, the smiles hiding the loneliness of much wiser mold. Now every time fate tempts me to stray I cling and fight harder, to always stay bound to your chains of trust and hope I will love you in the darkness of soul.
Inspired by the Mini challenge at Imaginary Toads to use a line from Kerry O’Connor’s poetry [ my inspiration is italiized in the verse above ] the reason I chose this line is because the moment I read this, I knew it felt so true for me and way I feel about my love for the light in ym life – my partner in this life.
<musings of a healing soul and a warrior of words>