Hating him was not a choice; loving as forbidden as breathing. She build stories in her head of what-ifs and why-nots whenever memories surfaced; Living different lives in far away cities; a world separated by hurt yet connected by a single desire to bury their secret – how his determination to never cross paths became the reason to keep loving.
“You should always reach for the stars , if you want to end up with some stardust at least”, her mother’s voice echoed in her head as she watched him walk out of the door , not for the first time but perhaps the last if she could not convince herself of the flaws in this philosophy.
With every step he took away from her, the pain in her head intensified , reaching the nape of her neck and spreading to her limbs gradually. The tears came next , uninvited yet relentless in their expression of disappointment at her actions , or the lack of it.
At end of the hallway , he paused and turned towards the picture that hung on the left wall; their first date in the old coffee house that did not exist anymore, maybe like their patience for each other’s limitations; he thought to himself and instinctively touched the photo where their hands met each other.
“I am sorry,but I can not promise you the stars anymore when I do not even trust the land to let me stand unharmed any more.”, he said softly before looking into her eyes with a new resolve. “But you will always rule the underground as my queen and I promise the skies are not any less pretty there even if devoid of stars or star dust; you can hang some of our love to light up the nights if needed”, he said and wished to her to not let him go , one more time ; one last time.
For every moment, you have shown me love, I have had a million doubts on me, questions on my self-worth; why for do I deserve this light, but for every such night, I also remember how goodness of a heart, needs a receptive soul, even a little dark, to understand the price you and I paid for this alliance; I remember the verses I owed to gods of broken hearts, begging for a reason for my tears, to show me a way away from fears. And it led me to your fragile soul, hard from outside, the smiles hiding the loneliness of much wiser mold. Now every time fate tempts me to stray I cling and fight harder, to always stay bound to your chains of trust and hope I will love you in the darkness of soul.
Inspired by the Mini challenge at Imaginary Toads to use a line from Kerry O’Connor’s poetry [ my inspiration is italiized in the verse above ] the reason I chose this line is because the moment I read this, I knew it felt so true for me and way I feel about my love for the light in ym life – my partner in this life.
Some days I was blind
To the beauty and kindness
This world offered;
Numbed by anxiety
I shrank back to shadows
And there I silently suffered;
Until he held my hand,
Not moving till I accepted
The love, the courage
To notice the other side.
For someone who had never seen snow up-close, in all its beauty and fury entwined at times, I was mesmerized the first morning I woke up to see the sun, shining so bright on the vast white shroud covering everything and every color, as far as I could see. The first snow of my second winters in this city that still felt new some time.
They said I would get bored of the snow, living in such low temperatures, the snow flurries, the storms, slipping occasionally on the ice, the bulky jackets and the heavy boots for even stepping out of the home. They were not wrong, but what they never realized was the view from my window on the twenty-second floor was worth all this trouble and more. And more than that, the whiteness of the winter made me appreciate the colors of summers so much more.
It’s not just coffee, or the stale sandwich (from previous day of course – who delivers fresh at 6:00 AM) of any random all-night cafe I miss. It is the corner one on stop that was the farthest for us both so none could ever find us, it’s that very cafe, that last table, the coffee as fresh as the rising sun when we would meet for secret dates; It is that coffee and the sandwich I wish to be having this week – memories of our love and fights, of tears and smiles as we faced the world together as one, to be forever one; but first some coffee.
For almost an year before we got married , me and my husband would meet at this non descript cafe every alternate Saturday morning. I would later go to my parent’s home for the weekend and he would spend the day playing with friends. This week we celebrate our sixth wedding anniversary in a different country and I miss all those places that have seen us grow together and grow in love.
Dreams whisper to me at impossible times; i carry a mirrror of my own my ideas seeking colors, release from my soul; It isn’t rocket science to drown the voices in head but harder it is each day to justify living to yourself; Wether stupid, naive or unreal- dreams can wait a lifetime to reveal the truth behind the scene can only be to move those peices.
“It is going to be legendary” he pinged him “Like all other ideas?” she teased “Mock me all you want, I am still doing it.” “And if it fails, you would not be upset.” “Never. I would have tried it and I know It will be fun.” “It will be, let’s get the ball rolling on this podcast then.”
When you finally realize what may be good for you but do not know how to put it in words and justify it to the world; best would to turn your desires to prayers and trust God do the change in course for you …