I need to kill boredom,
not that i have nothing else to do
but i still wanted something new;
I ask you for some ideas,
another attempt to make you
speak something;tired to see you mute.
You give me some hard looks
eager to let your imagination
descend into the books you read;
But also aware that will not rest
unless you provide me an object
to keep myself engrossed and busy.
So you send me off to the attic
to search for the grandmom’s album
that no one seen has seen in ages
Am glad i went off at once
without another thought to the task
now that i hold in my hand,the rewards.
This image of her and her sisters
she kept below the pillow on her bed;
i never saw her this happy till the very end.
Will you and me fade the same way
just in each other heart;or will i have
your hands to hold when i beath my last.
I might have been thinking aloud,
’cause you come and hold me close
and whisper in a surreal tone,”love you a lot”.
It was a harmless thought,but she knew,the results would not be.
she still wanted to test it – It might work.
Barely had she placed her moist lips on his,she was pushed away.
He slapped her hard,but she could not afford to yelp in pain.
“Bitch!” he screamed.She laughed.
When words failed to educate,
with silence did i try to object;
When tears failed to communicate,
with smiles did i try to fill the recess; Only a night from old to new, I severed all my ties with you.
When you failed to change your path
with a sigh did i give another try
When you failed to make it last,
with a broken heart i did cry. Tainted freedom was what you gave instead of dreams of a love filled place
Smiling faces with prying eyes,
humor laced words flow back and forth.
The guy appears shy –
the centre of attraction though,
His parents narrating the worth –
education, wealth,family and future,
Her parents look pleased
and curious enough to ask bit more –
Its the girl’s turn now
to be talked of in similar details
education, skills,hobbies and plans –
two kings describing their treasure trails.
All eyes now set in anticipation,
immediately the girl is gestured to come
with a smile pasted on the nervous face
she enters bearing the burden of family name.
The guy gives a hurried look,
one towards the girl,another to his folks
and the decision is sealed,
they did not like what they came to see.
she knows it well –
knew it before she stepped in front
she does not have a pretty face
nor the body blessed with grace.
It matters not,how well she read
or the fact she earned family’s bread –
It was a shame she didn’t look good
all other qualifications were put to end.
You wanted to marry me!
I begged you for that. I never loved any one but you.
I did,but not more than i loved you. you did know my reasons.
I tried to understand you. I now want to marry you.
I do not. You love me still, right ?
Maybe. But i love myself more.
This is one of the few conversations i used to practice in my head till last year. Then i realized the futility of it. I was remembering him rather than forgetting. But this is a lesson to all of you who can not decide and stand for your love at the right time !
Monday Prompt at BTP was : You may have to take a few steps and actually move outside your comfort zone. Do something different. Do something you haven’t done in awhile.
And i chose to question my love for few people. To see if am valued as much as i should be in not just my world. It was a pain yet i liked it.
She badly wanted to break away from the negative feelings inside her ! When all looked calm on surface, only she knew of the turmoil that plundered her heart every time she saw him. And that was daily ; she was married to him; to this fucking bastard who sold her to strangers last night ! She knew what was to be done; she sold herself again ; this time on highest price available; and kicked him out of the house. He showed the way, she will follow the same. She prepared to kill herself every night to make his living worse !
<musings of a healing soul and a warrior of words>
