barely in my senses;
I feel this
and so much worse
first half of my travel
away from (my home)
Your memory is not something I can’t ignore –
I do not have that much spare time.
Your words are not what make me smile or cry –
Its the meaning behind them that matters.
Your actions speak nothing to me –
I carve for the reactions they fetched out of me.
Your lessons never were to my liking –
I just miss the feeling of being cared like that.
Your approval was something i seeked –
I no longer have the same beleif on me.
You are not some one I can’t forget –
I do not want to forget you ever.
you are some one I wish i could forget –
I do not want to lose myself in the process.
Written as a part of “A river of Stones“
We all have fears and ways to hide it. Its easy to hide it from rest of the world, but when some one reads into your heart as if an open book, its a difficult scenario.
Am afraid of being loved – Like me as much you want ; for my words , for my attitude ; for my knowledge ; for the fun i can introduce ; for this and that ; like me for any reason you have. But being loved ? I stopped dreaming of that since ages. The very feeling i once had gone seeking , i fear it now. I was not hurt in love, but broken into bits by the way love treated me. Love was not to be mine – not the one i would have wanted at least. So i parted ways with those ideas and dreams forever.
Today i can not think of a romantic idea. Not even of some thing sweet to write for the one who might be made for me ! All i write of love sounds so hollow to myself that i wonder why people appreciate it. There sure are few couples i know who make me believe in love and its power, but I myself have come to the point where i know my ideas of being away from this feeling are ridiculous but i can not give up on them still.
And yesterday when some one asked me, what if some one falls in love with you, I am afraid he is gonna ask for trouble. Its taken me months to be the tough nut i am today, am not ready to crack up so easily. Do i wanna scare guys away from em like this ? No, i love them as friends and colleagues. Nothing more as of now please.
Duh ! I no longer make sense writing this. So i better stop right here !
Life, i am happy with the way i am today, this week and this month !
Let me be.
Written for –
I Step out of “ME”
tampered ego looms large
over forgiveness of heart –
Logic engulfs “MY thoughts”
now am done acting my part
a new chapter i wish to start;
i prepare for a war with “MYSELF”
fears and tears both now imminent
and still, a new pride i sense.
Monday Prompt at BTP was : You may have to take a few steps and actually move outside your comfort zone. Do something different. Do something you haven’t done in awhile.
And i chose to question my love for few people. To see if am valued as much as i should be in not just my world. It was a pain yet i liked it.
Also Submitted to fridayFlash55
your memories : make me say
heart though : blank without your love.
Life was blank , then you came
you filled the blanks ,with lyrics so beautiful
you left , wish life could be blank again
wonder who : gives the right
to you to decide
what should be erased : from MY life
memories you gave, will never erase
you may forget me, i know i never will
dare you return : any day with a sorry
to say it was a mistake
i may forgive you : yet again
I’ll never forgive you, for all the pain you gave
for all the love i deserved , never caring for what i cared
forgive or not : you will never know
i will gone
far along my life : better alone
Alone i was when i came, alone i’ll be when i’ll go
its the lonliness in between , that pains.
coming alone : carefree song
going alone : just music
silence at last
Silence is what is left in this life , silence is the end of life
so what is left is the end, such is life?
life itself : is the song
you : can give
just the music
i’m a song
that god composed
life gave beats to
fill it with emotions
i’m not finished yet…..
This is a collaboration post by me and my twitter buddy Preeti. (The alternate free verses that are italicized are hers , mine are all gogyohka )
Submitted to One Shot Wednesday
When love passes by you;
this storm has the fury;
to create its own way;
destroying you as it go
something new or someone dead.
(words by me, image source mentioned below)
I was just there
your thoughts passed by
healing my wounds
that your words left behind.
the oldest marks of rejection
not words,but your thought
moment passing by your day
treat it like your best
This was one of the most random post i wrote here. Taking all prompts at once, letting them mix and compete with each other, and finally penning whatever won the fight in my mind. Please bear with me this week !
(Following image is not my creation. Adding it here since it goes with my sentiments )
“Face of faith changed for me”
Faith. The word inspires varies emotions in my heart , mind and soul. Faith on your family not to desert you; on the love you thought will never let you feel low;on the friend you never knew could make you cry so much;on yourself whose real power you never can fathom unless forced to.with every person, it changes its face, meaning and extent of its being between you and the concerned person. Strangely, it never leaves you even when broken. for long you keep searching reasons for its loss, searching for either excuses or ways to hurt it back. so where does this leave us ? when even you can betray the faith you have on yourself, what keeps faith living ? Answer is different to each individual. for me, the faith people instill in me and keep on me keeps me working to preserve it. what keeps your faith safe ?
empty eyes;torn hearts;
faith only let life find place;
pray that you never
hand the key to joys to some one
be not a prey yourself
Wrote this haiku on twitter today .. and since then i have been thinking about it … Is it really in our hands to stop being such a fool as to give the key to happiness in some one else’s hands ?? Does life really make such beings out of us ?? We, who call ourself wise; who talk as if all is well under control in our life .. is it really so all time ?? why do we make wrong choices ? Or is it that choices go wrong later !! And when this happens, why don’t we easily let it go ?? why do we want to hold the same time, people and feelings ?? Wonder if any one can give an answer satisfying to every one !! All i know is i can sit and cry for ages or can stand up and smile for myself whenever i think about it .. Am gonna try the latter .. Are you ??
A smile you owe,
to yourself alone;
smile you must
for yourself just.
A smile is a gift
not to be recieved;
its the best one
to yourself you give.