This is a different world. This is a different life. I like it but I can’t get used to it. Meaning of home has changed. And how.

This is a facebook status I put this weekend. This weekend was the same that I spent with my parents. After almost 2 – 3 months I spent more than 1 night at home. And even though I loved being there – being lazy , being silent , cooking for mom and dad , meeting best friend in town , sleeping , reading and watching one movie each day of the weekend [ yes , it was this awesomely perfect] ; a part of me felt uneasy.

It was like I was a guest in that home. I knew the people living there , but not the space they occupied. It was like I once was in the frame but now have slipped out of it and looking at the empty picture with unease.

When did I begin to feel restless at my own home ? Was it always this way but I kept ignoring it while busying myself with siblings. I guess being alone with parents made me feel their loneliness but instead of sharing it , it made me feel like them. Still, they had their home . I did not.

A dear and very much special friend commented on the status :

Home has always been where your heart is. In other news, welcome to grown up world dear. You are ready to make your own home.

And that set me thinking a bit more. To some extent , I felt at home in the house I live in right now with my bestie.  From long there was parent’s home and “my” home. But now I don’t feel I have any home. Yes , for once I feel lost. If that’s a beginning of growing up , I guess the journey has begun.

I need a corner of my own , surrounded by my books and music , my choice of wallpapers and feel of the cold floor beneath my feet. I am finally ready to support and provide to others, the anchor I need. I am prepared to step out and claim my mark on some space.

I have to go.
Go and create or search my home.
Just my space of love.

PS : growing up can be so lonely and confusing. even when you got someone to hold and look upto for love.

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