I do not know when and where this feeling got its root in my head but I never could ask some one to accompany me for a walk or shopping. If i wanted , I would just go ahead with it. This habit became more like a definition of me when a dear Friend got em going to movies alone and I so much loved them that way.
It never felt odd initially till lot laters when I shifted to noida. for some reasons , I felt people did not take it as casually here if you are seen alone for shopping or movies. Maybe It is my assumption. But i did feel a little odd at times. If it was just for movies or shopping , it was ok. But it became a habit of NOT asking some one when I had to go out any where. Be it near or far , I adjust my schedule and travel times so that I can reach back home by 9. I do not like some one dropping me home. I would rather not go out than expect some one to bother about my return. There are not many people to whom I can ask rightfully to accompany me some where.
Some people think am too proud. Few think i am foolish to try to do everything on my own. for me , its just a precaution and necessity that I be able to function any where on my own – with friends or alone.
It was a beautiful night. She had invited Rajat to her home for the first time. She did not want to, but she was tired of spending night at his room. the small room even if well-lit, appeared to be suffocating, which it was owing to Rajat’s smoking habit.
Rajat reached on time with food and beer in hand. she was expecting flowers instead of beer she said as she led him inside her room, which meant that beer would not be had tonight. Oh, they had to cross a huge hall and kitchen before they reached he room. The room had a single bed and a small couch, which Rajat pulled near the bed and settled himself in it, only ’cause the soft toys on the bed looked repulsive to him. When she came, she frowned at him, her room’s new look with couch moved and declared that the room was not comfortable for two people. They both could not lie together on the single bed and the couch was not a good place to spend the night for any one so they should move to her roomie’s room which had a double bed. Rajat was shocked of course,and confused too. He could not imagine why they must sit one arm distance apart when they had been sleeping together from a month, but he refused to move from his place. He took coffee from her hand and settled again with peanuts in other hand. The coffee was too milky which of course was not how Rajat liked it. He went to the kitchen and added another spoon of coffee powder and a little milk and of course sugar too while she looked at him and went about how unhealthy it is to have so much sugar and coffee.
An hour later, at the dinner table she complained about Rajat getting food from outside when she had already got dinner made for them. What Rajat could not mention was that her food was too bland for even patients to be given. And he loved the food spicy and oily. After all, a life without spice is no life !
There were lots of talks [ tried by Rajat] , advice [ all by her ] and some action too [ to decide where they both could sleep comfortably, one arm distance apart ] that night.
And next day Rajat knew he was right not to propose her. She would stay the way she was in her life and where she was in his.