Tag Archives: imperfect prose

Take Life easy

[ Background : I was upset that a friend of mine said things to me that hurt me. I had hurt her too meanwhile but what made me angry was the fact , I never can tell that to others as easily my friends express it to me ]
So I called this common friend and took out all my frustration and anger on the call. I did not feel good about it , neither could  I resolve my anger over night. I just emailed him expressing I was sorry for what I said and I just need time to sort things.”Take life easy”  , a friend wrote in the reply he sent  in the morning.
And I realize that some days I take being available for friends too seriously.  Most days I love to talk to my friends , to plan to meet them and to randomly ping to ask about life under their sky. But some days , even if I am genuinely busy and in no mood to hear another soul , If i realize I haven’t called a particular some one , I will use the time to not rest but to call. And in that process , I think , I do not give all my attention and care to the person on the other end of the call. This feedback has reached me some time but never before could I accept that I might be really doing something wrong.
As my boyfriend and best friend both pointed to me that I can take time off whenever I want but when I do connect to people , I should do it with intentions to make them feel good and hear them well.  It does not matter if I do not have a solution to their troubles but more important is to listen carefully.
So, from this very moment , I will try to listen more , listen well and listen with all my attention.
And if I am not calling some one , I will make sure I have a good reason and a sense enough to not be too late to get back !
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This is for Imperfect Prose :

Of new roles and tasks

Life has suddenly changed this week.
Since Monday 11 AM to be exact.
I suddenly realized i have a lot to learn and make it a habit of doing when it comes to being a daughter-in-law , a wife , a home maker in the future. Till now , I did not completely understand how much thought and care this transition would involve. I used to think to myself, one can not predict the situations until you step into that new life but I guess it is necessary to make a note of the areas you need to work upon. In India , Marriage they say , is a union of not two people but two families. And I willingly agree to the statement now. In my husband’s home , every action of mine is not just a representation of me but my family’s culture and values. I never wished to stay in a nuclear set up after wedding. I used to dream of having the guy’s family to live with me and be a part of that family. Simply said , I love to have people around – to celebrate every small happiness , to care for each other , to support in times of distress and to spread smiles to each other. But like all fingers are not same in a hand , every one has their good and bad. Before you expect them to accept you the way you are , is it not wise to make it easier for them to accept you in their folds and seamlessly become a part of their daily life.
Keeping these thoughts in mind , I am trying to cook more and cook better . The first goal is not to call mom or refer to recipe for a usual meal. I am cleaning my room alternate days , folding clothes and keeping them stacked well in the almirah , making sure I keep my things at a proper place. In short , I feel I am trying to act like my mother 😉 And it is not easy. I call up mom and ask how does she remember to do all this , how does she keep the whole house so organized while I get tired after managing my single room.
Exhausted or not , I am sure feeling more proud. More confident and sure about myself being able to handle any new role and responsibilities well.
Life has changed , but for better days.
 
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This is for Imperfect Prose and for Emily whose posts make me pause and think about the blessings in my life.

I Like Mondays

while the whole world vouches for Monday blues , For reasons unknown , I like Mondays. Starting Wednesday night , I start waiting and planning for the weekend but Every Monday night , when whole world on the social media is complaining for end of weekend , I do not understand or relate to the sentiment even remotely.

Mondays are like a new beginning . 5 more days to work hard and make your dream come true. The weekends are to rest and plan ahead but Mondays are the days when you begin a new chapter. And I believe that all beginnings should have a happy note. So I thank god for another wonderful weekend , and ask for strength and blessings for the coming week.

And this is something i found in google images. Totally cool thought !

Monday

And then there are Mondays I LOVE. The ones when I go to see lover by for breakfast ( in case we do not meet over weekend ) , those are the super awesome Mondays !

😀

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Linked to

Imperfect Prose

A to Z challenge : Excuses

Excuses are as varied as the cause or reason for which we invent them. But the worst ones are those , the heart invents for the mind. Not that mind is always right . but sometimes we know we are lying to our-self.   Last 3 days I have “excused” myself from some important things and I am not proud to that  –

  • I did not go to gym / or even for an evening walk which I so much love.
  • I did not write anything for 3 days, creating a backlog for blogging and same for reading blogs too. Not to add , that delaying my own therapy in times of over thinking.
  • I was irritated with something and I acted rude with my brother.
  • I did not pray or thank god for all the smiles he adds to my life every day.

I can list out the excuses / genuine reasons here for all these but the fact that I know I wasn’t right , doesn’t let me dwell on that. Instead I have to now fix all these. And find a way out before I make a pattern to excuse myself out of my duties and responsibilities.

Here’s to a happier and better week ahead. To heal , to read , to write , to smile , to love and be worthy of being loved.

Stay happy and blessed.

Being loved and Loving

And like Emily begins her posts some days, when I began typing , I had the line in my head – where I accept sometimes it is tough to feel loved. Some days I question all that I have in my hands , the love I feel surrounded by , the hopes , the dreams and I can see the piles of my smiles falling down brick by brick. Then I get back to my prayers and instantly , I see a ray of blessing shining on me. Lover boy calls me and in his own special ways makes me smile and make me sure of the dreams we made together for our life.

Thank you God for listening so soon to me.

This reminds me of a conversation I had with mother. I told her , even 15 min of time spent in prayers feel so hard while we spend hours doing nothing or gossiping or any random activity. She told that this realization is the beginning of making conscious effort to pray and be thankful to God. There was a time when I thought admitting that I pray or more so , admitting I can not pray daily and with full conviction in my God , was not a good thing.

Recently after reading doubts and realizations and confessions and love filled posts from some wonderful people I meet here on Imperfect Prose , I learned that being honest matters. Being thankful matters. Being loving and accepting the love is more important that regretting the moments you did otherwise.

thank you all for teaching me so much.
for loving me so much.
for just being the awesome YOU.

 

Image Source

Count your blessings !

Some days you have to count your small joys ( specially when the bigger picture does not look so happy ) So , for this week, I sat and listed the below things that make me smile and keep my mind off the not so happy thoughts :

Gym . Finally I joined one and pray I do not skip many days.

Best Friend. For daily listening to *same* complaints of mine. not to mention she has similar ones from her workplace :/

Teammates . No matter how stressful the work gets or idiotic the people go , most of the people at offshore are a pleasure to work with and I am thankful for that.

Internet. After the last week of no net at home scenario , finally internet issues are fixed. The online watching of some of my favorite show has begun.

Mom. Bless her to bear my rants every day.

Him. He is my strength to survive many of the days off-late.

Books. < need I say more ? >

Writing this post. I needed the smiles right now again.

Reading your posts and comments. I will be doing more of it soon.

Spreading Love. Start with yourself , with your loved ones , and include a stranger too some days.

Prayers. I am trying to pray often. Thank God for that. and thank Mom.

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Finding home.

This is a different world. This is a different life. I like it but I can’t get used to it. Meaning of home has changed. And how.

This is a facebook status I put this weekend. This weekend was the same that I spent with my parents. After almost 2 – 3 months I spent more than 1 night at home. And even though I loved being there – being lazy , being silent , cooking for mom and dad , meeting best friend in town , sleeping , reading and watching one movie each day of the weekend [ yes , it was this awesomely perfect] ; a part of me felt uneasy.

It was like I was a guest in that home. I knew the people living there , but not the space they occupied. It was like I once was in the frame but now have slipped out of it and looking at the empty picture with unease.

When did I begin to feel restless at my own home ? Was it always this way but I kept ignoring it while busying myself with siblings. I guess being alone with parents made me feel their loneliness but instead of sharing it , it made me feel like them. Still, they had their home . I did not.

A dear and very much special friend commented on the status :

Home has always been where your heart is. In other news, welcome to grown up world dear. You are ready to make your own home.

And that set me thinking a bit more. To some extent , I felt at home in the house I live in right now with my bestie.  From long there was parent’s home and “my” home. But now I don’t feel I have any home. Yes , for once I feel lost. If that’s a beginning of growing up , I guess the journey has begun.

I need a corner of my own , surrounded by my books and music , my choice of wallpapers and feel of the cold floor beneath my feet. I am finally ready to support and provide to others, the anchor I need. I am prepared to step out and claim my mark on some space.

I have to go.
Go and create or search my home.
Just my space of love.

PS : growing up can be so lonely and confusing. even when you got someone to hold and look upto for love.

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Poetry lovers , please check my e book on amazon here. Let me know if you need help with kindle installation or download of the book.

Dealing with people and other thoughts.

Last week was a bit disappointing in terms of people. there were too many instances when I was hurt or upset with friends.

I thought I would write about them , I would vent my frustration/anger about how people behave nowadays but now I am not so sure.

Writing about them is not going to help them or make me feel good about it. but what I am really concerned about is people forgetting how to be nice to others, how to trust others.

Some one questioned me for charging her 30 rps extra for some tickets. I would not have minded that as much the fact she actually paid me whatever she thought was the correct price. what will I benefit from that ??

Another friend keeps asking me to make plans to meet but every time I call her , she has a reason not to come. Moreover she will not answer calls / msgs some days but I can see her active on social sites. I am tired of  making plans for others and waiting for them

A very old friend of mine thinks I am living life all wrong ’cause I do not have any exciting stories to tell him. I do not write all that comes to my mind , I do not go places , I do not tire myself with catching up with N number of people or attend every single event in the city [ Actually I do try for most of the book events ]. why can not people accept change in others ? Do I have to justify my living to all now ?

I do not understand such people. I do not understand many people off-late  I can not react offensively , I can not forget such incidents either. I do not feel like validating myself to others or to tell others if they are right or not. I only wish and feel to pray. Yes, I did not think I would say this, but I really Pray for all these people. I pray first for myself so I can keep my patience. I pray for these people to have peace in their life. I pray for random people who are so critical or negative always for the world.

I pray for Love.
I pray to be with my lover.
[ some friends think that being in a happy relationship has made me so much wise and forgiving. And I agree to this observation.]
I offer my love to god as random wishes whispered in the dark folds of night , as a lonely tear that rolls down my cheeks sometimes as I let go of another demon of my past , as the warm hug to my guy in appreciation of all smiles he has added to my life.
I thank you, Love you , adore you my God !
you are my savior. And I will forever pray for your blessings.

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Karma

IMG-20120927-WA000Few months back , I asked myself the question , why I am good [ Assuming I am a good human being]. This was following a discussion with a friend about people being good till they have no opportunity to be otherwise. A true check of one’s character is how he/she behaves when presented the opportunity to be mean and also get away with it.

And after much thought, I realized that my reasons for being the way I am is belief in my Karma.

Karma for me is the principle that governs my actions and my life.

Said In simpler terms , Karma is the cause and effect way of living. It states that the effects ( rewards / punishments ) of every action of yours would be decided and passed on to you in this very lifetime. No deed of yours goes unreported and is tracked till the right moment. There be delay in the judgement , but be assured , it will happen. And to add more to the effect , the punishments are handed down in cumulative manner for all the sins in past.

And this , scares me. One can say I am good from the fear of punishment. I used to feel embarrassed about it before. But not today. I am good and whatever keeps me this way – karma , God’s words , my moral codes , my mother’s teachings .. anything that keep the happy glow in my life’s light , I am thankful for it. There is nothing wrong to admit that you fear god’s wrath. I do. And like a kid scared of the strict teacher , I am willing to be cautious forever as to not make mistake.

May my Karma keep me blessed.

Hope you all find the light for your life and keep it shining 🙂

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& Alphabe Thursday – K 

i want a baby

A simple desire ? not so.
For one , I am not married.
Also , I do not want to sleep with some one just to have a baby.

And please do not suggest me how science can help me having a baby and blah blah.

So bottom line is , I am not sure when I would be eligible to have a baby ( as per me and society). And yet , Whenever I see a kid looking at me , and smiles at me , my heart wants to just grab him/her and keep him for a day or two with me. The cute dresses in the mall in kids section , the innocent talks , the eager look in eyes , the love , the trust , the fun , the bond .. I wish that for myself.

additional reasons being able to buy teddies , color books , story books , illustrated graphics , milk powder , cryons , funky clips and so many more such stuff for the baby ( and use some for myself too ).

I am not desperate to get married to any xyz. I think I found an ABC sort of guy for me and hope things go well.

But I am too eager to have a baby.
God, why do we need some one to make a baby ?

Can I just not get a part of me molded into an extension of me ??

Perhaps I could adopt one, if only I could afford having a baby right now.
Ok, I guess I should remember this reason and better concentrate on making enough money than dreams for my kid 😀