It started with the lock down. The idea had taken root much before that, I admit. But being alone at home all day and night, made me think of picking a new hobby. With the least number of materials required and the fact that I could always call my mother to give me video instructions, Knitting was the obvious choice for the new hobby. Even though I began with a dark purple yarn to knit a scarf for myself, the yarn got over before I could finish the scarf. Since I had to pick next yarn by shopping online, I chose a multicolored one this time – four yarn bundles of synthetic yarn. I should mention that this yarn type is really hard to control and it took me multiple attempts to even begin knitting. I swear if my mother was not watching me on a video call, I would have cried a little out of frustration.
This new yarn is yellow , orange , magenta , green and blue all rolled in a single ball. It compensates for the mild discomfort I feel sometimes in my shoulder after knitting. This will be another scarf ( I am going to practice only the basic stitch till I am confident in my work ), which I have decided to gift to the beautiful wife of my best friend. This young couple took care of me when I was down with flu early this year and for all the weekend meals that they have shared with me whenever I was alone at home, I could not think of a better token of my appreciation than my time making this scarf.
Someone recently asked me if it hard to learn to knit but isn’t that the fun about learning? To have a good challenge and to be able to make something with your patience, hard work, and a lot of love. I have a request from four people to make a simple scarf for them. I am already keeping a list so I do not forget or gift someone out of the order in which I got these requests. As for me, I only look forward to learning a new pattern for my next project and to mix a little white yarn to balance all this brightness.
She left love behind hidden in colors on canvas smiles follow the heart.
I sometimes regret
once knowing you so well
like a part of my own soul,
your words that healed me
like the blood of my own;
if only I could have kept you
trapped in my memories alone,
as if you were never mine to be;
I wished for a sister, a companion
to my lonely, loveless world,
forgetting how our forbidden love
would bring upon us, all the ill-luck.
The prompt for day#6 poem @ toads was to write a poem in the voice of another: in this case, the voice of a woman living in feudal times, addressing her laotang (a lifelong BFF/soul sister matched to young girls in China).
“You should always reach for the stars , if you want to end up with some stardust at least”, her mother’s voice echoed in her head as she watched him walk out of the door , not for the first time but perhaps the last if she could not convince herself of the flaws in this philosophy.
With every step he took away from her, the pain in her head intensified , reaching the nape of her neck and spreading to her limbs gradually. The tears came next , uninvited yet relentless in their expression of disappointment at her actions , or the lack of it.
At end of the hallway , he paused and turned towards the picture that hung on the left wall; their first date in the old coffee house that did not exist anymore, maybe like their patience for each other’s limitations; he thought to himself and instinctively touched the photo where their hands met each other.
“I am sorry,but I can not promise you the stars anymore when I do not even trust the land to let me stand unharmed any more.”, he said softly before looking into her eyes with a new resolve. “But you will always rule the underground as my queen and I promise the skies are not any less pretty there even if devoid of stars or star dust; you can hang some of our love to light up the nights if needed”, he said and wished to her to not let him go , one more time ; one last time.
For every moment, you have shown me love, I have had a million doubts on me, questions on my self-worth; why for do I deserve this light, but for every such night, I also remember how goodness of a heart, needs a receptive soul, even a little dark, to understand the price you and I paid for this alliance; I remember the verses I owed to gods of broken hearts, begging for a reason for my tears, to show me a way away from fears. And it led me to your fragile soul, hard from outside, the smiles hiding the loneliness of much wiser mold. Now every time fate tempts me to stray I cling and fight harder, to always stay bound to your chains of trust and hope I will love you in the darkness of soul.
Inspired by the Mini challenge at Imaginary Toads to use a line from Kerry O’Connor’s poetry [ my inspiration is italiized in the verse above ] the reason I chose this line is because the moment I read this, I knew it felt so true for me and way I feel about my love for the light in ym life – my partner in this life.
Some days I was blind
To the beauty and kindness
This world offered;
Numbed by anxiety
I shrank back to shadows
And there I silently suffered;
Until he held my hand,
Not moving till I accepted
The love, the courage
To notice the other side.
She had come so far that there was no turning back now, she had convinced herself all the way. He stood on top of the stairs, waiting for her with a smile that was too troubling for her heart. She took a deep breath and turned away before she had a change of heart; She would not become his secret lover even if she loved him more than the world.
******** Written for Three Line Tales #190 This September, I’m taking my blog to the next level with Blogchatter’s #MyFriendAlexa campaign.
On and off, between silence and words; we switch gears, high and low our voices grow; surrounded by waves, limitless, as far as eyes go; I look at us, balancing this see-saw of emotions whichever way our lives flow; we laugh, we kiss we argue, but never miss beauty in all this.
Few people need validations , like I seek from my loved ones. As much I try , I end up slipping into this trap again. Also , I am quite aware of when the praises come from the heart and when they are just hollow words. In one of these phases , I was thinking of few people around me who are of habit of never appreciating any good done by me. Even if I would have saved them from any mess or been there in their times of need, trust these few to never accept it , forget about being thankful. Truth is, I would never stop doing the same for them still, for I love them. Mostly , how I act is how and who I am for everyone , not just my favorite people. So , how does one consulate oneself when struck with narcissistic thoughts of seeking praises from others ? There are indeed few people who will keep making you aware of the good in you , the good you do and that you are special in your own ways. Such are the people you think of and note all the times that you got praises when you least deserved them. Think of the love you are blessed with irrespective of the flaws and feel the universe responding to the validations you seek. It does not come same time , same way but it always comes back. Universe balances it all – the powers vested in it to be fair “most” time , even if delayed !
So trust in Karma , universe , god – say whatever you may. Feel confident in doing good and being good in your actions and thoughts alike. You are loved. You are special.
The heart has grown
accustomed to love
Cares and kisses some,
Of you,your shadows,
My wings from your hugs.
The mind has grown
In pushing boundaries,
Breaking away my chains,
Burning paths into wild,
Claiming my rightful place.
Another year of my life,
And yet I started living
Only after we met,
Another year crossed off
Merging goods,bads into the best.
Happy birthday to me !
<musings of a healing soul and a warrior of words>