“You should always reach for the stars , if you want to end up with some stardust at least”, her mother’s voice echoed in her head as she watched him walk out of the door , not for the first time but perhaps the last if she could not convince herself of the flaws in this philosophy.
With every step he took away from her, the pain in her head intensified , reaching the nape of her neck and spreading to her limbs gradually. The tears came next , uninvited yet relentless in their expression of disappointment at her actions , or the lack of it.
At end of the hallway , he paused and turned towards the picture that hung on the left wall; their first date in the old coffee house that did not exist anymore, maybe like their patience for each other’s limitations; he thought to himself and instinctively touched the photo where their hands met each other.
“I am sorry,but I can not promise you the stars anymore when I do not even trust the land to let me stand unharmed any more.”, he said softly before looking into her eyes with a new resolve. “But you will always rule the underground as my queen and I promise the skies are not any less pretty there even if devoid of stars or star dust; you can hang some of our love to light up the nights if needed”, he said and wished to her to not let him go , one more time ; one last time.
For every moment, you have shown me love, I have had a million doubts on me, questions on my self-worth; why for do I deserve this light, but for every such night, I also remember how goodness of a heart, needs a receptive soul, even a little dark, to understand the price you and I paid for this alliance; I remember the verses I owed to gods of broken hearts, begging for a reason for my tears, to show me a way away from fears. And it led me to your fragile soul, hard from outside, the smiles hiding the loneliness of much wiser mold. Now every time fate tempts me to stray I cling and fight harder, to always stay bound to your chains of trust and hope I will love you in the darkness of soul.
Inspired by the Mini challenge at Imaginary Toads to use a line from Kerry O’Connor’s poetry [ my inspiration is italiized in the verse above ] the reason I chose this line is because the moment I read this, I knew it felt so true for me and way I feel about my love for the light in ym life – my partner in this life.
Some days I was blind
To the beauty and kindness
This world offered;
Numbed by anxiety
I shrank back to shadows
And there I silently suffered;
Until he held my hand,
Not moving till I accepted
The love, the courage
To notice the other side.
She had come so far that there was no turning back now, she had convinced herself all the way. He stood on top of the stairs, waiting for her with a smile that was too troubling for her heart. She took a deep breath and turned away before she had a change of heart; She would not become his secret lover even if she loved him more than the world.
******** Written for Three Line Tales #190 This September, I’m taking my blog to the next level with Blogchatter’s #MyFriendAlexa campaign.
On and off, between silence and words; we switch gears, high and low our voices grow; surrounded by waves, limitless, as far as eyes go; I look at us, balancing this see-saw of emotions whichever way our lives flow; we laugh, we kiss we argue, but never miss beauty in all this.
Few people need validations , like I seek from my loved ones. As much I try , I end up slipping into this trap again. Also , I am quite aware of when the praises come from the heart and when they are just hollow words. In one of these phases , I was thinking of few people around me who are of habit of never appreciating any good done by me. Even if I would have saved them from any mess or been there in their times of need, trust these few to never accept it , forget about being thankful. Truth is, I would never stop doing the same for them still, for I love them. Mostly , how I act is how and who I am for everyone , not just my favorite people. So , how does one consulate oneself when struck with narcissistic thoughts of seeking praises from others ? There are indeed few people who will keep making you aware of the good in you , the good you do and that you are special in your own ways. Such are the people you think of and note all the times that you got praises when you least deserved them. Think of the love you are blessed with irrespective of the flaws and feel the universe responding to the validations you seek. It does not come same time , same way but it always comes back. Universe balances it all – the powers vested in it to be fair “most” time , even if delayed !
So trust in Karma , universe , god – say whatever you may. Feel confident in doing good and being good in your actions and thoughts alike. You are loved. You are special.
The heart has grown
accustomed to love
Cares and kisses some,
Of you,your shadows,
My wings from your hugs.
The mind has grown
In pushing boundaries,
Breaking away my chains,
Burning paths into wild,
Claiming my rightful place.
Another year of my life,
And yet I started living
Only after we met,
Another year crossed off
Merging goods,bads into the best.
Happy birthday to me !
One more sip,
And then you
Spread your arms,
We need to fill
This starry light
In our misty eyes;
We shall then drink
The darkness too,
For nothing less
Shall quench our lust
tonight, one me
It started around the time I started earning and hence could plan gifts for myself. I have always made a big deal of my birthday as in buying something special or expensive. I can actually list the things i bought in last 7 years for my birthday.
I can not explain the feeling – its not expectation from friends or family even when I have never had a birthday that was not overwhelmingly love filled . It is neither an obsession for materialistic things. The closest I have come for an explaination is that I value the fact that I am responsible for creating my own happy moments before anyone else does it. No one owes me that. I earned that privilege as I gathered some amazingly kind people around me. But first , i should be willing to pamper myself with love.
I am far away from transitioning the same understanding to some of my flaws and relationships that I hammer due to my fears of losing peole. I still do not value and cherish myself the way I am , this version of me that is sum total of all my past decisions and dreams. And that I suppose is what I should and would be doing this year. This year for my birthday I will be writing , reading more , taking my health seriously and become a better person with a positive outlook.
Hope you all have figured out about yourself and your goals too ! Let me kNow if I can lend a helping hand to those ..
Oh , btw its 20 days to my birthday !! 💐 😀
<musings of a healing soul and a warrior of words>