The music enveloped her; making her feel that if she were to fall right now, she would find herself floating on the high notes of his voice. It did not matter if the lyrics were borrowed ones, his singing gave her pleasure more than his love.
“You make me want to be a better man”, he had whispered last night and he really needed to do that. She sighed, her disappointment and anger mixed in the cut marks hidden below her dress. It was her way to punish him for straying, for losing himself in his own words. Their pain was what had kept them sane(or not) and together; and that is how it always has to be, she smiled.
The bones ache,
Like never before ~
He has distributed my pain
From the heart
To parts of my make.
The words settle like mist
Suffocating all my smiles
And later when i lie alone
The darkness is the balm
For my tear filled eyes.
The hopes i give birth
Like tiny butterflies,
Fly away far frm me
Disguised as moths
So cruel and disgusting.
The pain i had in heart
Has spread its arms
Into the very core of me,
The bones ache like mad
While the world blames me.
tears I submit at her doorsteps;
the spirits lie split between head and heart.
She knows. She understands. she cries.
thoughtless I wander back to her;
she hands me to word thirsty pages.
I write. I rant. I cry again.
She saw me feed pain. She saw me bleed poetry.
. This is dedicated to my mother who recently put up with all my mood swings and relentless questioning of myself and life. finally she asked me to write instead. I was amused to note that even she realized nothing would cure me better.
I see her standing at the platform, half hidden by the corner pillar; her left foot tapping to the song playing on her Ipod, looking nowhere in particular but everywhere. For a moment, our eyes meet and we smile. she turns her look away almost immediately as if hiding from me as I keep staring at her elegant and almost attractive features. Noticing all possible visual details about her, I try hard to remember her but in vain. Every name that pops in ym head is negated by the playful smile she has on her face as if enjoying the trouble she has given me. She once more looks at me from corner of her eye and looks at the incoming train for an excuse to look elsewhere.
He comes out of the train and as if she was already aware , she picks her stuff and hurries to meet him. Taking him in her arms she beams like a child who has got an extra candy during lunch time. she whispers in his ear and he looks at me with one of the most heart breaking smile. And that’s when I know who she is. I used to be her some years back ; She used to be me that time. My future baffled at my present ; My present hiding from the future ME.
I see them walk past me with a knowing smile. I miss those days. I miss him. I miss myself. Andhere I stand , awaiting for another chance perhaps.
you drive me insane; actually you have managed to do this years back. now.. well now you just paint it a shade darker and damp.. dark enough to hit me hard and damp with the pain, i carry for days. it creeps me like some worm infested fruit that am forced to eat. no wonder it leaves a bad puking taste in the mouth. even the friendly consolations that its all in my head and not real, does not change the fact that it makes me inhuman. always like that to others trying to be close to me. will it drive you away is not a fear i live with , but a nightmare i wake up from each night…