Tag Archives: Project 52

Finding home.

This is a different world. This is a different life. I like it but I can’t get used to it. Meaning of home has changed. And how.

This is a facebook status I put this weekend. This weekend was the same that I spent with my parents. After almost 2 – 3 months I spent more than 1 night at home. And even though I loved being there – being lazy , being silent , cooking for mom and dad , meeting best friend in town , sleeping , reading and watching one movie each day of the weekend [ yes , it was this awesomely perfect] ; a part of me felt uneasy.

It was like I was a guest in that home. I knew the people living there , but not the space they occupied. It was like I once was in the frame but now have slipped out of it and looking at the empty picture with unease.

When did I begin to feel restless at my own home ? Was it always this way but I kept ignoring it while busying myself with siblings. I guess being alone with parents made me feel their loneliness but instead of sharing it , it made me feel like them. Still, they had their home . I did not.

A dear and very much special friend commented on the status :

Home has always been where your heart is. In other news, welcome to grown up world dear. You are ready to make your own home.

And that set me thinking a bit more. To some extent , I felt at home in the house I live in right now with my bestie.  From long there was parent’s home and “my” home. But now I don’t feel I have any home. Yes , for once I feel lost. If that’s a beginning of growing up , I guess the journey has begun.

I need a corner of my own , surrounded by my books and music , my choice of wallpapers and feel of the cold floor beneath my feet. I am finally ready to support and provide to others, the anchor I need. I am prepared to step out and claim my mark on some space.

I have to go.
Go and create or search my home.
Just my space of love.

PS : growing up can be so lonely and confusing. even when you got someone to hold and look upto for love.

==

Poetry lovers , please check my e book on amazon here. Let me know if you need help with kindle installation or download of the book.

Oatmeal Pancake

thanks to Marathon Bloggers Group [ Have you still not checked it ? ] I come across so much awesome information , tips , food for thought and more food ideas . 2 weeks back I saw this Oatmeal Pancake recipe on Tanu’s blog and since then , I wanted to make it for breakfast some day. Finally after losing the recipe , and somehow recovering the link from browser history [ who says it doesn’t come useful ] I made them today :

Oatmeal Pancake
Oatmeal Pancake

I so so much loved them 😀

Next time i am gonna get maple syrup or mango jam for pancakes.

Discovering about myself

what you’re discovering about yourself.

Even before Emily asked this question , I was already walking on the path to accepting another flaw in me [ maybe I am being over critical ] , thanks to a gentle nudge in that direction from a dear friend.

I can not be happy too long

 

As much absurd this sound to even myself , I feel there is certain truth to this statement. I am more comfortable being a little sad or upset about this and that, but I can not believe everything being perfect or out of my hands. I have to be a little low and kind of become the reason for the same.

Idiotic ?

Yes, It is. And I admit this behavior is strictly in check from past months.

But I slip once in a while.  And every time I am thankful for the helping hand I get from my friends and family. I need to be scolded a bit at times to make me realize how my moods are affecting the people close to me. How I can not always blame myself or fear the worst.

And those days , I place faith on people who love me , on the guy who thinks I am worth all the love and care , on my family who feel proud of who I am and on God to guide me out of these depressive storm brewing on the horizon.

I guess writing helps too ( I see I am smiling a bit as I wrote this)

So that’s what I discovered about myself today ( again ) and I promise my love , I will be better tomorrow and for days to come.

*hugs to myself*

🙂

My dreams

My dreams lately have me seeing a lot of people from past. Some who have been mentioned in recent days and many who I don’t think i ever remembered after parting ways with. The dreams are kind of happy , even if not , atleast they are not sad or mysterious. Talking of mysterious dreams , I guess the weirdest one was to be invited to have a drink with my dad 😀 [ I still want to see how he or my mom would react to that ]

For years I have believed that dreams are answer to your subconscious thoughts. They might be something you badly want or just an image of what the future can hold for you. Sometimes they remind us of people we do not want to think about but we should. the college friends ( and the not-friends) I saw last week , the friends from present I saw today morning , they all had a reason to be there , even if i don’t know it now.

And the nightmares too. They show us whom we trust and turn to in real life crisis. I remember for a long time , I always saw my mom in my nightmares – in pain with me , protecting me and looking out for me. Then one night an year back, I had a real bad one and I saw him holding out his hand to me. I held that in dream and when I woke up , something inside me wanted that hand in real too. I always took it as a sign of accepting my feelings for him. And thank god I did.

 

So what do you think of your dreams ??

Dealing with people and other thoughts.

Last week was a bit disappointing in terms of people. there were too many instances when I was hurt or upset with friends.

I thought I would write about them , I would vent my frustration/anger about how people behave nowadays but now I am not so sure.

Writing about them is not going to help them or make me feel good about it. but what I am really concerned about is people forgetting how to be nice to others, how to trust others.

Some one questioned me for charging her 30 rps extra for some tickets. I would not have minded that as much the fact she actually paid me whatever she thought was the correct price. what will I benefit from that ??

Another friend keeps asking me to make plans to meet but every time I call her , she has a reason not to come. Moreover she will not answer calls / msgs some days but I can see her active on social sites. I am tired of  making plans for others and waiting for them

A very old friend of mine thinks I am living life all wrong ’cause I do not have any exciting stories to tell him. I do not write all that comes to my mind , I do not go places , I do not tire myself with catching up with N number of people or attend every single event in the city [ Actually I do try for most of the book events ]. why can not people accept change in others ? Do I have to justify my living to all now ?

I do not understand such people. I do not understand many people off-late  I can not react offensively , I can not forget such incidents either. I do not feel like validating myself to others or to tell others if they are right or not. I only wish and feel to pray. Yes, I did not think I would say this, but I really Pray for all these people. I pray first for myself so I can keep my patience. I pray for these people to have peace in their life. I pray for random people who are so critical or negative always for the world.

I pray for Love.
I pray to be with my lover.
[ some friends think that being in a happy relationship has made me so much wise and forgiving. And I agree to this observation.]
I offer my love to god as random wishes whispered in the dark folds of night , as a lonely tear that rolls down my cheeks sometimes as I let go of another demon of my past , as the warm hug to my guy in appreciation of all smiles he has added to my life.
I thank you, Love you , adore you my God !
you are my savior. And I will forever pray for your blessings.

==

Life these days.

2 AM.

I leave office.
and like every other office going person, I feel so relaxed. All I want is to call my boyfriend or sometimes mom and talk about how my “day” was. But there is rarely any friend awake to talk at this hour.

Yes , I talk to them after waking up around noon. But I can not explain this itch to hear some loved one after work.

Maybe this will become a major reason I am thinking of a change.
( Infact I am typing this post while travelling back from office )
10 AM

I am woken up by the love birds outside my room’s window. My house has new guests ( they are a part of the house I guess by now)- a pigeon couple. Which I must add are building their nest on top of AC. Needless to say, they mess the whole balcony but neither me nor roomie want to disturb their home. We have even thought of feeding them a bit now and then.

( Did you know pigeons have a strong sense of direction ? Their brain cells can gauge earth’s magnetism which help them track paths. Plus they pair for life  unless one partner dies)

4PM

I am ready and waiting for the cab to pick me from home for office. And I thank god(s) that another day of the week is over. I also hope and wish my time  at work be well spent and I keep myself out of petty politics and uselessness of some people around me. Weekend where are you !!

Oh, before that .. Where the hell is cab ??

*Picks my novel and goes reading*

That’s all new to report.
Lot of observations more.
Hopefully soon.

==

Also Linked to Alphabe Thursday – L

Karma

IMG-20120927-WA000Few months back , I asked myself the question , why I am good [ Assuming I am a good human being]. This was following a discussion with a friend about people being good till they have no opportunity to be otherwise. A true check of one’s character is how he/she behaves when presented the opportunity to be mean and also get away with it.

And after much thought, I realized that my reasons for being the way I am is belief in my Karma.

Karma for me is the principle that governs my actions and my life.

Said In simpler terms , Karma is the cause and effect way of living. It states that the effects ( rewards / punishments ) of every action of yours would be decided and passed on to you in this very lifetime. No deed of yours goes unreported and is tracked till the right moment. There be delay in the judgement , but be assured , it will happen. And to add more to the effect , the punishments are handed down in cumulative manner for all the sins in past.

And this , scares me. One can say I am good from the fear of punishment. I used to feel embarrassed about it before. But not today. I am good and whatever keeps me this way – karma , God’s words , my moral codes , my mother’s teachings .. anything that keep the happy glow in my life’s light , I am thankful for it. There is nothing wrong to admit that you fear god’s wrath. I do. And like a kid scared of the strict teacher , I am willing to be cautious forever as to not make mistake.

May my Karma keep me blessed.

Hope you all find the light for your life and keep it shining 🙂

==


& Alphabe Thursday – K 

Time for self : ME time !

Me time. Like the one I have taken out now to write this post ?

Or the time I find to read other posts that would be written about this theme in hope to learn a bit from other wise ladies ( and men if they wrote).

Often I think Me time is just an illusion. but its a beautifully satisfying illusion I admit 😀

How you take out time mostly depends on what you like to do, since each activity/hobby has a place and time. you would not imagine cooking in middle of night,will you ? Well I can not since I have an open kitchen where you can not stand in winter nights for more than making a cup of tea for yourself !

I do not like days I miss on reading and writing. While reading a book regularly looks like a lot of effort , it is not. I spend 15 min travel time in reading and 20-30 minutes before I sleep on the book. Also, the days my cab is late ( which happens 2 times a week for sure) , you will always find me reading.

Also the time I travel on weekends in the metro , I prefer to keep my phone inside bag and rather read the 30-40 min I got.

While writing takes much more time and you have to sit on the laptop with a concentration of atleast half hour , I try to write bits and pieces of prose articles ( and even poetry) in phone notes / email drafts whenever the thought strikes. Early morning ( my morning is 11 am though ), with  a cup of tea in hand , I sit to assemble these thoughts into something meaningful. If not , then I do it from office since I get a bit free time to read and write in middle of other tasks.

Writing also involves reading others – to be inspired , to learn , to be amused and entertained , to share and to expand your horizons. This reading can be done on phone while you travel or better if you own a tab. you can save the pages once online and read them later. I try to spend 2-3 hours each weekend on reading various articles. Most articles get delivered to my inbox making it easier for me to read from my phone.

Another activity I enjoy is to walk. To notice things and people around. Most days , I follow the walk-n-talk advice of idea 😀  All my calls to my mother are done while I am walking to and fro the market or in park , or going to metro station ( which happens to be a walk of 20+ min each time ).

 

Latest and the last hobby for me is cooking. I pack my dinner almost daily and I try to prepare it on my own. But i do not get to try new dishes on weekdays since I am in a hurry to get ready and cook at same time. Hence the weekends I go home, I spend in kitchen. My mom loves it ’cause she can be free of kitchen duty for 2 days and I get the kitchen to myself to try all new dishes I want. win win situation ! Next week, I try the same dish at my place 🙂

 

So that’s My time and how I spend it.

And hope that I keep finding time like this after I am married and have extra responsibilities too.

Encourage & Inspire

We often talk about encouraging kids to try new things , not to worry about failing, and to move on with lessons learned. But have we ever thought that adults need more encouragement.

Kids do not have a sense of boundary. They do not bother of failure unless some one ( other kids / adults ) make them realize that. If you tell a kid the good he has done by trying , he will be content. He will try again and work harder on his mistakes on little encouragement. But not the same with most adults.

How many of us can accept failure and try again and again without support ? It is flattering  to think or declare yourself as independent and strong , but behind every one of us stands a person who has never stopped believing in us . Treating us like the kid who needs to be shown the good of trying and failing and to keep saying “I believe in you”. Have we not been once in a while inspired by random strangers or news articles or example of some one making it large in life just by passion and diligence ? Inspired people are inspiring. Inspiring ones are encouraging ones too.

Learning a new hobby , starting a new career, Trying a new haircut or even new style of dressing can sometime be so easy if you have a word of encouragement and compliment thrown your way.

This blog would not have so many posts if the comments would not have been encouraging. The poetry e book would not have been possible if some of the friends and my mother would not have let me leave few daily tasks and just write as and when I wanted , reading and suggesting new voices for my ideas. I would not have learned to cook anything good without my roomie and mom trying what I made and encouraging to keep trying till I master, adding their own ideas into the mix.

ENCOURAGEMENT & INSPIRATION is always needed by everyone.

Thank those wonderful people in your life who encourage you. And if you do not find that person around you , none to fit the bill, do not be bitter. you can and should be that person for some one else’s life. Encourage and maybe you will find encouragement for yourself in abundance. Inspire & Inspiration will grace your day.

==


& Alphabe Thursday – I 

Ten P’s of my Life

I am voluntarily taking up this tag from Pinksocks blog

Idea is to  do the similar list with the first alphabet of your name.

why P ?

’cause my real name starts with P  😀

 

1. Pari (fairy) : one of my old nickname which I admit I kinda liked ! alas, only 2 people call me by this name and I haven’t talked to both of them in ages !

2. Poetry : something that is my identity most times. I live , love , eat and breathe poetry. I write the same 😉

3. Paranormal : One of my fav genre to watch on TV these days and even to read ( you can throw it under fantasy fiction too ) but yeah , most loved TV series – Fringe , supernatural , Warehouse 13 , the Mentalist etc etc will fall in this category.

4. Project : A recent addition to my terminology outside work. Basically , I have taken up a few deliberate goals for the year – Project 52 to blog , Project Know delhi , Project 50 new dishes in 2013 , reading challenges. Ok, I think I have taken too many projects 😛

5. Photography : something I always avoided being a part of. I mean being in front of camera. now I am total opposite. I also need to learn a bit of photography so i can use my camera well even when alone.

6. Postponing : I am the master of doing that with my chores. Except reading a novel or cooking , I postpone anything and everything by atleast 10-15 min out of laziness and for days even if its a personal task.

7. Pasta : Food that i love most. I might not have it often when I go out, but given an option , I will chose it over any other dish.

8. Purple : color I love most. all and any shades. That reminds me , I have to buy a purple bag this summer.

9. Possessive : I am. totally. My guy knows it but ignores most times  ( he knows he doesn’t give me any reason as such) , but trust me to act possessive at times just for fun. Basically, I don’t like some one taking my place. anywhere. anytime.

10. Past : something I can not forget or leave behind. Its a shadow I walk with even in the night. My past defines me. and I am not willing to let it free as yet.