Fluttering freely in the air
The white fluffy dreams blinking
in the sun; I stand there rooted
Looking at the blinding light
Confusing it with hurdles.
Once the eyes close, it is clear;
the strength I need,the affirmations,
the will and the confidence
It’s all there in me; burning low
But enough to be stroked into a fire
The won’t burn me but has the power
Of a Phoenix to rise from within;
The dreams now stick to me
Like clouds of cotton candy
Sweetening the air and mouth so sticky,
I return to the night, wiser probably.
With half of the things , people or events that bother us , the problem lies with us. No , it is not expectations , ’cause after certain time , we all get used to the patterns. The issue lies when we do not move on. Learning to let go , comes so hard to many of us including me.
Off late , I am doing a lot of things for no reason other than as if I wear heavy weight chains of “it won’t look nice if i do not ..” or “I can not refuse him/her ..” Whatever those things are , the compulsion of doing affects none other but me the most. I become irritated and angry on myself to not able to make a better decision. As a result , neither I enjoy nor can I hide it from the rest of the world. I have been told that this makes me appear as very unhappy or hostile person , which I am not. But once can not argue with perceptions forever , hence the need of the hour is to change yourself and build walls that no one can guess through.
I want to take a stand for my own joy and peace. I want to do things that will make me happy and I also know it should start with being alone and enjoying on my own . As I mentioned in this post, I have decided to shower myself with more of self-love. This will be followed by avoiding external factors that mess up my peace and smiles in the day. The days I can not do that , I will find a corner , let my hair down and read , paint or cook. Or perhaps write a rant post like this 😀
There is a song in hindi ( shared below ) which has lyrics that suggest, it is better to leave at a beautiful turn rather than drag the relationship to gutters and then end it. The same I plan to follow at moments when I know my heart is not in the activity and all my attempts to make it work have been futile.
Am now going to learn to let go of the negative vibes and rather focus on the love that I attract. Lets make some things unknown to the consciousness 😉
Not just being polite to people nice to you,
Or letting different people be the way they are,
Not only by refraining your judgements on others,
Or letting the goodness prosper within your heart
These make you not really an ideal person
These free you not from further improvement,
It does not mean your flaws are covered,
Or that your life has found the desired purpose
Can you be silent when a friend yells on you
Without a mistake or bother for the truth?
Can you accept with grace , people who shine more
And strive to be just you , but better than before
Can you admit to yourself , when you are wrong
Or accept being misguided by your own thoughts
Can you bear the critics , without a defense
And silence them any day, without being on offense.
You can not stop learning , or working on yourself
If you consider this not being gentle ,
I declare i can not be so for myself ever,
Only death can free me, or end of my writing.
I introspect , i reflect , only as i write. And thisbis what i have been thinking from few days. Lots to learn and lot to change in my ways.
of pleasure and guilt,
of success and miss,
of tears and pain,
of releif and rains,
of high and low,
of bend or blow,
of hurt and heal
of touch and feel.
some we form,
some we hold,
some we hate to make,
some we can not break,
some trap us inside,
some push us outside,
some never can.
Prompted @ OSI ,
Also linked to Open link night !
Been too long I wrote a poem I guess. This was so refreshing.
Some times Love alone is not enough to answer all your doubts.
Sometimes Love alone is the cause of all your doubts.
Some times people are the real influence on your decision.
Some times people are the excuses for your decision.
Some times your heart wants to take risks and live each day head on.
Some times your heart just wants to escape all worries and move on.
Some times the only support is not from people you know
Some times the opposition is not from people but of your own.
Some times Love loses these battles ..
Some times Love wins the war of hearts later on …
Here’s to Love that never loses. and to Lovers that always stay close.
Last week was a bit disappointing in terms of people. there were too many instances when I was hurt or upset with friends.
I thought I would write about them , I would vent my frustration/anger about how people behave nowadays but now I am not so sure.
Writing about them is not going to help them or make me feel good about it. but what I am really concerned about is people forgetting how to be nice to others, how to trust others.
Some one questioned me for charging her 30 rps extra for some tickets. I would not have minded that as much the fact she actually paid me whatever she thought was the correct price. what will I benefit from that ??
Another friend keeps asking me to make plans to meet but every time I call her , she has a reason not to come. Moreover she will not answer calls / msgs some days but I can see her active on social sites. I am tired of making plans for others and waiting for them
A very old friend of mine thinks I am living life all wrong ’cause I do not have any exciting stories to tell him. I do not write all that comes to my mind , I do not go places , I do not tire myself with catching up with N number of people or attend every single event in the city [ Actually I do try for most of the book events ]. why can not people accept change in others ? Do I have to justify my living to all now ?
I do not understand such people. I do not understand many people off-late I can not react offensively , I can not forget such incidents either. I do not feel like validating myself to others or to tell others if they are right or not. I only wish and feel to pray. Yes, I did not think I would say this, but I really Pray for all these people. I pray first for myself so I can keep my patience. I pray for these people to have peace in their life. I pray for random people who are so critical or negative always for the world.
I pray for Love.
I pray to be with my lover.
[ some friends think that being in a happy relationship has made me so much wise and forgiving. And I agree to this observation.]
I offer my love to god as random wishes whispered in the dark folds of night , as a lonely tear that rolls down my cheeks sometimes as I let go of another demon of my past , as the warm hug to my guy in appreciation of all smiles he has added to my life.
I thank you, Love you , adore you my God !
you are my savior. And I will forever pray for your blessings.
I leave office.
and like every other office going person, I feel so relaxed. All I want is to call my boyfriend or sometimes mom and talk about how my “day” was. But there is rarely any friend awake to talk at this hour.
Yes , I talk to them after waking up around noon. But I can not explain this itch to hear some loved one after work.
Maybe this will become a major reason I am thinking of a change.
( Infact I am typing this post while travelling back from office )
I am woken up by the love birds outside my room’s window. My house has new guests ( they are a part of the house I guess by now)- a pigeon couple. Which I must add are building their nest on top of AC. Needless to say, they mess the whole balcony but neither me nor roomie want to disturb their home. We have even thought of feeding them a bit now and then.
( Did you know pigeons have a strong sense of direction ? Their brain cells can gauge earth’s magnetism which help them track paths. Plus they pair for life unless one partner dies)
I am ready and waiting for the cab to pick me from home for office. And I thank god(s) that another day of the week is over. I also hope and wish my time at work be well spent and I keep myself out of petty politics and uselessness of some people around me. Weekend where are you !!
Oh, before that .. Where the hell is cab ??
*Picks my novel and goes reading*
That’s all new to report.
Lot of observations more.
Also Linked to Alphabe Thursday – L
I stumbled upon this awesome prompt to recap our weeks every Friday. I so much needed this I guess. Sometimes writing poetry and flash fiction can get tiring. so yes , this is a reflective way to know how I did this week :
( In order of my remembrance)
* I start the year end writing prompt tomorrow. And really glad to see it turning 3 this year. *fingers crossed* for finding lot of posts to read. Details here
* This blog found its 200th follower. And kind of liked the way wordpress announced it in notifications 😀
* December, I have a secret , long cherished dream to make happen. Please wish me luck .
* I had been trying to find out , who sent me this book since it came as a gift without a name. And it turns out , DialABook ( @dialabook )saw my tweet about someone gifting me a book and did send me one ! That was super awesome thing of the week !
* I finished 40 books this year and on my book review blog , I finished my 50th book review. Much proud to be associated with that blog.
* I realized I am not being at my best behavior for a friend. Maybe I am unable to forget my hurt and am being biased in my judgement. I am not proud of it but for unexplainable reason, I can not seem to change my ways. I do wish best for him.
* For the first time I admitted to myself I have some unresolved resentment against few of my friends, who went missing when I needed and I wish to do the same to them someday. I might have actually acted this selfish with few. Am I proud ? No. Do I regret ? Not yet.
* I wrote another poem in my mother tongue. And I will like to try more and more writing in that.
* I did a considerably decent job at cleaning my room today. And I am more and more enjoying cooking on my own.
* Boyfriend loves me a lot and really wants me to get better every day at whatever I do but its my bestie who really understands me and I guess I love her a bit more every week.
bless you all !