Tag Archives: waiting

You, me and nothing else

It was raining when i woke up. As I stepped out and inhaled the damp smell of the empty lot behind my place. The water fell into the puddles making spiral beauties. I smiled, and the same time I thought of a pic you had sent me. Sitting on the banks of a river, making similar circles with the stones, you appeared to enjoy so much. It was the first pic you had emailed me, even though it showed your back to the camera and a raised hand with stone. you used to send me a pic of yours after every time we fought like we would never talk again. And your smile would melt my anger always. no words ,no apologies , no regrets.

Just insane conversations and lame ideas chasing some impossible dreams and making a heavy drug – a magic potion that became not just addiction but a way of living. when realities offered to pull me down, it was my world with you that kept me smiling and hopeful. Every dark night brought me to your door steps and even if i had to wait for days to hear from you, I waited at the door steps, knocking on the door once in a while.

In hope you will listen,
and even if you not,
you understood me still,
and calmed my chaos.

Then one day you locked the door and went away to unknown lands. I sat staring at the door, staring at it hard in hope it will break lose and lead me to your sanctum – where I know you have left a clue for any one who comes seeking. Oh yes, you did that unknowingly , but I am sure there is a clue in there. But I dare not touch the lock. You will not want me to step in there. You never wanted me to know you as well as I managed to. So I walk away, and create new worlds from my dreams. But I cross your door still, in hope you will return some day. You will return , won’t you ?? The silence echoes with disappointed sighs. You are not going to return, and I will not break the lock, not yet.

The unsaid desire of yours
the unheard cries of my heart
the wait for an impossible time
the sound of fading footstep.

Its been a while I have been standing in the rains, and thinking all this. With wet eyes and heavy heart , i return to my room. As I step out of my clothes, I feel as if i am shedding a mask of mine. A mask I wore after you were gone. An invisible cloak, like I talked about last night. Yes, i changed, morphed into a sponge that absorbs and loses the world as and when I want, and not the black whole I was turning into when you left. I am not just alive , I live. I not just breathe, i make the air a part of me and when I let it out, I wish it has taken away my negative thoughts with it. I drink in the words floating around me and get high on the lines that others sell. Its a simple transaction , you sell some , you buy some.

Words that taunt your silence
pauses that fill the lines
pain that sweeps the mind
tears that fill your nights.

This weekend I saw a movie which talked of one last wish if you come alive out of a deadly situation. I did not have to think twice. I new what I would do – I will break that lock and seek you. i will not rest till I have found you. I do not know what i want to say , or what I need to hear. Maybe I just want to see if you have learned how to hug some one well. Maybe you learned a lot more while away from me. whatever be it, I need to see you once again. You took air out of my world, but it still breathes; You took away the spring , i kept it alive with tears; you took yourself out of it, I implanted your memories instead.


One more hug,
one more smile,
one infinite kiss
that lasts just a while.


you think I will move on , I did. you think I will grow out of the bond , I did. you think I will forget you, I can’t.
you remember me still, i know. you miss listening to me , i know. you will never admit to even yourself, i know that too.

I know this all,
I know bit more,
I know your ways,
mine, you forgot !


Image Source : tumbler


This is the 4ooth post on my blog and hence dedicated to the one I have been using as a muse since I started the blog ! Bless you !