The heart has grown
accustomed to love
Cares and kisses some,
Of you,your shadows,
My wings from your hugs.
The mind has grown
In pushing boundaries,
Breaking away my chains,
Burning paths into wild,
Claiming my rightful place.
Another year of my life,
And yet I started living
Only after we met,
Another year crossed off
Merging goods,bads into the best.
Happy birthday to me !
One thing leads to another , they say. And that’s how most tales begin or end in real life too.
I met Yogesh after I moved to Delhi and one of the major reason was that I had started to depend on him for any information or help I needed regarding places and transport in Delhi. But the reason and circumstances that led me to delhi were nothing I had imagined.
It was Dec 2010 , I was working in Bangalore when my parents had asked me to come home urgently. Little did I know I was supposed to meet a guy , the prospective groom that my dad’s best friend had suggested. I was recovering from a break up and was not really ready for such a step but I still went ahead with the plans. The guy was nice to talk to and within half hour we were chatting quite freely. This was good enough for both the sides and within an hour , I was formally engaged to the guy.
To say that I was shocked is an understatement. I could not believe what had happened and for a whole week after returning to Bangalore , I did no tell even my best friend about it. I had met the guy just one more time before leaving Delhi and that was on my insistence ’cause I wanted to be sure about the whole scene and perhaps about the guy too.
Life soon became a series of calls and emails between us but there was no warmth and feeling of being treated special for me. I wanted a lot more and somehow was not convinced at all that the guy liked me. I had already resigned from my current job without even having another job in hand ’cause my parents wanted me to concentrate on wedding for few months and find a new job once I returned from Bangalore. One disappointment led to another and things kept getting worse between us. No amount of talks and suggestions improved his attention towards me and one day I called the wedding off. I had to convince my parents ( threaten actually) and turn a deaf and blind attitude towards all the over concerned relatives but I knew I had to do this for myself. I thought of staying back in Bangalore for a few more months but I knew I had better return to Delhi and face whatever was in store for me.
3 months at home without a job and constant reminders of a failed engagement later I got a job in Delhi and in August 2010 i settled in this city. Finding a PG was a hassle as back then , we did not have services like https://housing.com/in but as was in luck , I found a very caring set of people and later best friend too.
I found a caring and loyal friend in Yogesh when we first met in September 2010. Inspite of all hurdles and differences, 3 years later, we married each other.
My move to Delhi was not a happy phase but who knew it was the very thing that would give me happiness for a life time. All we need is now a home to call our own where we can build our own heaven. And I know just where to start searching when time comes !
How do you channel
of love ( and maybe lust )
on the inky nights
you want to be alone
he refuses to sense
the hidden meanings
of mood swings,
rendering your frustrations
generate the feelings
of being ignored
or ignorance ?
Oh the social norms
to be discreet about love about wanting
him, his touch, his ……
Linked to Sunday Whirl and Monthsof the year Challenge
I have been wondering what to write for Yogesh from last 3 days. Before wedding, i have written so much poetry about him, us , love and post wedding the feelings have just been exceptionally overwhelming.
What do I not thank you for dear husband ?? I remember starting a happiness jar and the first note was for the wonderful family I have got through you. Never have I felt I am the outsider in your world or theirs.
I took the 100 happy days challenge and one third posts were for you ( actually it was for the late night chai you make for me When I am lazy )
I started the reading meets and you made such lovely posters for the invites , you bear my dilemma for venues, accompany me on each meet and even pretend to read at times.
you download the songs I like some times so I have something to hear when we go for a drive.
You smile at all my silly ideas and never even dissuade me , even when you have your doubts !
These are the few things that seem small but make the most difference to me. I am thankful that you accept me as I am and even if you keep poking me to be better or different, its never out of my zone.
I am happy for the love and cares as much as the arguments we have because that show that we know not just to please but to have differences and resolve them too.
Thank you everything and every moment you have spent with me before wedding for that made me fall in love with you. Thank you more for keeping that love in such high esteem every passing day.
<musings of a healing soul and a warrior of words>